For example, verbal criticism, ridicule, denial, preaching, arbitrary interruption, refusal to respond, arbitrary evaluation and conclusion are all alienated communication methods, because it will bring emotional and mental trauma to people, even more painful than physical injury. Finally, under these unintentional or intentional language violence, people gradually become indifferent, alienated and hostile.
This alienated way of communication will also lead us to doubt our feelings and needs, so we are unwilling to understand our inner world.
It mainly includes criticism, accusation, abuse, classification, comparison and comment. Usually, once we meet someone or something we don't like, we only think of what's wrong with others. People often don't realize the value orientation of both sides and are used to confusing moral judgments; The essence behind comments is the difference in values.
It is usually manifested by comparing yourself or people close to you with others.
"If you really want to live a miserable life, compare it with others"-Greenberg's Let Yourself Live a Tragic Life
Usually manifested in the habit of starting with "I have to ..." and "You let me ..."
"The demise of mankind is because modern people succumb to Nuo Nuo, lack a sense of responsibility, and respectfully obey various orders. The tragedy we have seen and the bigger tragedy we are about to see are not the increase of people who resist and disobey in the world, but the increase of people who obey and obey. " George Benanos
Usually, what we ask of others often implies threats: some behaviors deserve to be rewarded and some behaviors must be punished.
The forced way of thinking is often manifested as "should think" and "right and wrong thinking". This alienated way of communication comes from hierarchical society or authoritarian society. The benefits of this idea to society are as follows:
The more accustomed people are to evaluating right and wrong, the more inclined they are to follow the authority to obtain the standard of right and wrong. Once we focus on our feelings and needs, we are no longer good slaves or good subordinates.
In short, the alienated communication mode will make it difficult for us to realize and perceive the harm of language to others due to the limitations of our own thinking, and may inadvertently create a gap.
To avoid alienated communication, we must learn what is effective and understand people's inner language, not dialogue, but communication.