As the core figure in the family, the husband naturally has certain methods and skills in handling the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Let’s share some tips on how husbands deal with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Friends who need it can come and take a look!

1. Don’t have the concept of “all parents are good”

Many husbands seem to have this concept and like to say this sentence. First, Their respect and "filial piety" to their parents. Especially after the wife has been wronged by her mother, this sentence appears most frequently. She knows that her mother is wrong, but she only dares to say to her: "There are no bad parents in the world. No matter how wrong she is, she is still my mother. You Just be patient!" So the wives had nowhere to vent their anger, so they could only cry secretly. In this kind of family, because women cannot get the protection of their husbands, their love for their husbands will gradually fade away until they become disappointed in the marriage. Some may run away from the marriage, while others may tolerate it and turn to fight back, which will eventually lead to women in this kind of family. Everyone in the relationship is scarred.

Husbands who cling to this concept, please answer the following questions in order:

The first question: All parents in the world are good, right? - You must say Yes!

The second question: Are there bastards in the world? - You dare not deny it, right?

The third question: Is it possible for a bastard to have children? - Neither can you Do you deny it?

The fourth question: Does that bastard become a parent when he has children?——Does this question still need to be asked?

The fifth question: The world has There are no asshole parents? - Can you deny it?

The sixth question: There are all bad parents, right? - What is your answer?

Of course I am not If you say your parents made mistakes, you are an asshole. If your answer to the sixth question is still yes, it only means that you are an asshole! If you are not an asshole, you should know that the most influential person on traditional Chinese thought is Confucius. Although Master Confucius left behind a lot of bad things, there is one saying that is a wise saying: No one is a saint, and no one can make mistakes. I don’t know if your parents are human beings who always say “there are no bad parents in the world”? If you think not, then I have nothing to say!

2. From the day of your wedding, please take the initiative Wean yourself

After getting married, every woman hopes that the man she entrusts with her life will mature and be responsible enough to support her family. But many men forget the role reversal and always think that they are still their parents' good children and always want to rely on their parents for everything, whether it is housework or finances. One of the most obvious signs is that he does not want to live alone without his parents. His most high-sounding reason is: I want to take care of my parents! A man who still lives with his parents after marriage has not changed much from before marriage, because he knows that with When my mother is with her, she is reluctant to let her do housework, and my wife dare not assign housework to her in front of her. She is still living the same life as before marriage, with clothes on her hands and food on her hands, and only two women doing it for him. Busy, where have I seen him do anything for my mother?

I once saw an article written by a sister, saying that because her husband was asked to share the housework, he told her: "I am still the one in this world. Mom is the best to me!" Apart from feeling funny, I can only despise this kind of man who sings "Only mom is good in the world" every day! My only answer to this kind of man is: "Don't get married, go home and be with your mom. Live the rest of your life!"

3. Don't be afraid of being labeled as "unfilial" by others, so you will lose the principles of life and only follow the orders of your parents.

In China, thousands of people Under the influence of feudal thought in the 1980s, "filial piety" has become a supreme virtue and the most powerful shackles of patriarchal society. Therefore, in order to maintain their "reputation" as a "filial son", men often give up their own conduct. The principle is not to distinguish between right and wrong, good and bad. Especially when there is a conflict between the wife and the mother, they think it is the wife's responsibility without asking any questions, and help the parents blame the wife. In this case, the man does not stand in a fair position to maintain family harmony, but will only blindly ask his wife to bear the humiliation and compromise to maintain the superficial peace of the family.

4. Please take the initiative to help your wife integrate into your family, instead of helping your family exclude her

Maybe all husbands will complain about this: since they have married their wives and come home, How can he reject her? But although some men do not have such thoughts subjectively, they are actually doing such things, making their wives feel like an outsider in your home and being rejected everywhere.

After a woman gets married and enters a completely unfamiliar environment, she will inevitably feel at a loss and naturally develop a sense of defense. In this family, only her husband is the closest person to her. Although some behaviors of other people in her husband's family may not be malicious subjectively, they will be considered by her as actions that hurt her. At this time, she needs to do a good job for her husband. As a bridge of communication, please don't blindly accuse her of being "sensitive, careless, small-minded..." This will only make the distance between your wife and her family further and further, and eventually exclude her from this big family.

There is also a kind of man who, when his parents find fault with his wife in front of him, in order to appease his parents' resentment and anger, he will echo their parents' words and say something bad about his wife, although you may not necessarily think so in your heart. Yes, but this kind of behavior gives your parents a psychological hint that if you are not satisfied with your wife, your parents will become more and more dissatisfied with your daughter-in-law, and conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will occur more and more frequently. When you said something bad about your wife in front of your parents, you and your parents hugged each other, but your parents even more rejected your wife and treated her like an outsider.

There is also a kind of man who is even more stupid. He likes to look at his wife through colored glasses and doesn’t like his wife talking about her parents’ affairs. Even though her wife has good intentions, stupid men will also think that her wife is If you are uneasy and kind, you are scheming against your parents. The most hateful thing is to say to your wife, "Don't mind our family's affairs!" If you think that your wife and you are not "family", your parents may treat your daughter-in-law as a child. Do you want to treat each other as a family?

5. If your mother and wife complain about each other in front of you, please don’t be the messenger

As the saying goes, “If you know how to do it, hide it from both sides, but if you don’t do it, you can’t do it.” "Two-end rumors", a man who hides things from both ends is extremely smart. Not only can he cleverly eliminate the dissatisfaction between two women with each other, but he can also please each other on behalf of the two women, making the two women like each other better, and promoting the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. harmony between. The men passed on from both ends are very stupid. Many mother-in-laws and daughters-in-law do not originally have much conflict, just some small frictions. But after the man in the middle conveys it, the small frictions will also create "big sparks", making the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law difficult. The conflicts have become extremely sharp and complicated, and some women are too weak-minded, so they will form a "discord" that can never be resolved. The final result is that the man who spreads the message will be put into deep water and hot fire.

6. Give your wife the opportunity to be a good person, and leave the opportunity to be a bad person to yourself

Some men always like to secretly spend money on their parents, brothers and sisters behind their wives’ backs. , regardless of whether the money given is within the scope of one's obligations, and regardless of whether the money given is more or less, just looking at the fact that he is carrying his wife behind his back is extremely stupid. You will make your parents think that their son is in charge of the family and has nothing to do with his wife, or they may simply think that his wife is a miser and is reluctant to give him money, so the son only gives money behind his wife's back, and he will naturally feel resentment towards his wife. , your behavior makes your wife become a "evil person" and you become a good person. Many women will be angry when they know that their husbands have done this behind their backs, so men will accuse their wives of being "unfilial". Little do they know that what women hate is not spending money for their parents-in-law, but what women hate is that men act behind their backs. This kind of behavior, firstly, does not respect yourself, and secondly, it makes your parents-in-law misunderstand you. As long as it is within the scope of obligations, please give it generously in front of your wife to let your parents understand that your daughter-in-law knows and agrees to this; or ask your wife to come forward and give it to your parents to let your parents know the status of your daughter-in-law in your family. , let them worry about disrespecting your wife even if they want to, and your life will be much easier. If it is beyond the scope of your obligations, please discuss it with your wife. If your wife agrees to give, it is a sign of affection, and if she does not give, it is a duty. You should not have anything to complain about.

7. Please don’t yell at your wife in front of your parents or order her to do anything for you

Some men don’t do housework when they don’t live with their mothers. He does it all, but once his parents are around, he starts to become more authoritative. Not only does he no longer do housework, but he also likes to shout around and order his wife to do this and that. It seems that not doing this is not enough to show off in front of his parents. He is an "old man".

A man shouts at his wife in front of his parents and behaves domineeringly, which seems to be very face-saving. However, this kind of behavior not only makes his wife feel tired, but also implies to his parents, or your parents may interpret it as: You You don't care about your wife at all. She has no weight in your mind at all, that's why you disrespect her so much! Think about it, even you disrespect your wife so much, do you still expect your parents to respect this daughter-in-law?

8. Please don’t quarrel with your wife in front of your parents or family members

There are no couples in the world who don’t quarrel. Quarrels are also a way for many couples to communicate, but quarrels are also the most harmful. Arguing between husband and wife, especially in front of parents, not only hurts the relationship between husband and wife, but also hurts the relationship between one's parents and the other party.

Many parents hope to see their sons and daughters-in-law live happily together. If they hear their sons and daughters-in-law quarreling, they will be very sad or think that their presence has affected the relationship between you and your husband. It is a burden to you, and even worse, you may think that your wife does not want to support you and is deliberately quarreling with you to vent her anger, which will create a gap between you and your wife.

There are also some parents who are afraid of chaos in the world, or some parents who protect their shortcomings. When you quarrel with your wife in front of them, they will jump out to help you deal with your wife. Once they get involved, This transforms the "internal conflict" between you and your wife into a more complicated "conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law." If it is a conflict between husband and wife, it should be easy to resolve, but if other people and relationships are involved, it will be difficult to resolve. Much more. The most serious consequence is that your parents will find reasons to sow discord between you and your wife! They may even constantly encourage you to be tougher on your wife in order to completely suppress your wife, and will tell you that "women need to be beaten to learn." "Be good", if you are a foolish and filial man and listen to their instigation and beat your wife, you and your wife will be considered to have severed all ties with each other, and you will not even be far from the door of the prison!

9. Please don’t worry that your mother will be jealous, so you don’t dare to show respect and care for your wife in front of her.

Many young couples are very affectionate when they are not in front of their parents. Men will not show any affection to their wives. He hesitated to show his sympathy and love for his wife, and his life was sweet and warm. Some men even happily pour water for their wives to wash their feet, but when their mothers are around, they don’t even dare to pour a glass of boiling water for their wives! Instead, they ask their wives to do this and that for them, in order to express their gratitude to them. My mother showed that she can "control" her wife, which satisfies her vanity of "my son is very capable"!

Ultimately, it is because the men did not understand the feelings between the two women towards him. Love is two completely different kinds of love, one is family affection and the other is love. They are not opposites, not an either-or zero-sum equation. Subconsciously, I think that if my love is given to one party, the other party will be jealous. .

I think there are very few daughters-in-law who are jealous of their mothers-in-law just because their husbands are nicer to them. However, there are many mothers-in-laws who are jealous of their daughters-in-law. They hate seeing their sons being kind to their daughters-in-law. If they see their sons showing a little bit of love to their daughters-in-law, they will be filled with jealousy. She thinks that her daughter-in-law has robbed her son and her son's love for her, and she will even cry and scold her son with snot and tears for "taking a wife and forgetting her mother"! This kind of mother's love is extremely narrow-minded. He is just using the name of love to satisfy his possessive desire for his son! But in order to comfort his mother, the foolish and filial son deliberately ignored and ignored his wife in front of her. He did not dare to get too close to his wife, and even sat down with her. Keeping a distance of more than one meter, getting along with each other as if they were "ice" with female colleagues in the company, and the tone of speaking to his wife has become harsh and rude, and he even bosses her around... What a man does in front of his mother is actually You are committing crimes based on love and brutally trampling on your wife's self-esteem and feelings!

10. Please do not pursue egalitarianism with your relatives and let them develop the bad habit of getting something for nothing

Although this is In a society where materialism prevails, it is impossible for everyone to completely give up their family ties and ignore the lives of their loved ones. If you have the ability, you can support them out of brotherly love so that your brothers and sisters can have a good development opportunity. , or improve the quality of life, this is of course understandable; but some men ignore the actual situation and sacrifice the interests of their small families to help them. First, they practice egalitarianism with them in terms of money and material, and even have to be slapped in the face even if they are heavily in debt. Pretend to be fat and satisfy their greed again and again; the second is to simply let them live in their own homes and let their wives serve them for them, without allowing their wives to complain at all...

There are also some from rural areas Among the men who came out, he was the only one in the four villages to be admitted to college. So under everyone's praise and adulation, his vanity was extremely inflated, and he soon became so confused that he didn't know how much he weighed. Unknowingly, When he stepped onto the altar, he thought he was omnipotent and had boundless power, and he arrogantly wanted to improve the fate of the whole village! So Li Ergou asked for help in finding a job and immediately agreed; Zhang Sanwa asked for a bride price to marry a daughter-in-law, even if I didn't have any, so I had to borrow money to save face; when relatives of Wang Er's Mazi family came to the city to see a doctor, in addition to inviting his wife to stay at his home and entertaining his wife with wine and food, he also had to accompany him to the hospital all the way... If your wife does not entertain you well, you will blame her for losing your face and affecting your noble image in the hearts of the people in your hometown...! I wonder if you are tired of such a man? If you are tired, just leave alone. Altar, since you are not a god, it is too cold to be high up!

11. Please honor your parents and do not transfer your filial obligations to your parents to your wife

Men I often say to my wife: My parents worked hard to raise me, so it’s not easy for you, so you should respect my parents! I don’t know what kind of logic this is? It’s not easy for your parents to raise you, so when your parents get old and sick, You should be serving tea and water in front of the bed, you should welcome them, and you should take care of them in every possible way! The person who has the obligation to honor and support them is you, not your wife! Why do you think your mother served you a bowl of rice? Your wife or even your future wife owes your mother ten bowls of rice? Your mother washes a piece of clothing for you, so your wife owes your mother ten pieces of clothing? If your mother cooks a meal for you, your wife should wash it for you. Your mother will cook for the rest of your life...? Is your purpose in marrying a wife just to find a substitute for yourself who respects your parents?

12. Please treat your parents and parents-in-law equally, and don't let your wife " After marrying, the husband forgets the mother."

Nowadays, there are more and more only children in China. In families where a girl is born, the parents also love her, love her, pamper her, pamper her, and let her get an education. Since childhood, I have held it in my hands for fear of falling, and held it in my mouth for fear of melting. The love I have given is no less than that of boys. But after her daughter got married, she didn’t dare to ask her daughter and son-in-law for living expenses, she didn’t dare to confidently ask to live with her daughter and son-in-law, she didn’t dare to ask her son-in-law to bring her tea and water... She didn’t even dare to ask her daughter and son-in-law to go home to spend the Spring Festival with her. The couple in their thirties are watching a TV, listening to the sound of firecrackers outside, looking forward to a call from their daughter... If the wife has passed away, the situation will be even more bleak... As a daughter-in-law, there is no reason to stop her husband. Honor your parents-in-law, similarly, as a husband, there is no reason to prevent your wife from honoring your parents-in-law.

You can ask your wife to honor your parents by saying "I am old and I am old". Can you do this yourself and treat your parents-in-law with the same attitude? Also, can you ask your parents to be kinder and treat them with the same attitude? Do you treat your wife with the attitude of "I am my child and my child is my child"?

13. Never say who is at fault

When a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law quarrel, they often end up being tough. Get your husband to comment. Husbands must never use an embroidery needle given by someone else as a mallet. You must know that women are not very reasonable even when they are not arguing, so never point out who is at fault "fairly". In the eyes of the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the reason why you are invited to judge is not because they need a fair judge, but to see who your heart is towards? It is not a third-party opinion, but a "touchstone" given by both parties. Whoever is wrong is wrong. , it’s better not to say anything.

14. Persuasion must be done separately

Watching the aunts and ladies in the community quarrel, do you think the more people there are, the more energetic they become? Women are crazy about people, especially not in front of their opponents. It shows cowardice, so it is best to do so separately. Even if the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law intend to reconcile, they must find a way out in private. Isn’t it too difficult to show weakness to the conflicting partner in person? Moreover, if they are persuaded separately, they can also use their free will to say good things for each other. Anyway, the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law are very good. There is no way to prove it if you don't know how to do it, and you don't have to worry about someone thinking that you are taking sides and intensifying the conflict.

15. Show off the authority of the head of the family

In many families with discord, mothers-in-law often accuse their sons of "marrying a daughter-in-law and forgetting her mother, and always listening to her daughter-in-law." , the daughter-in-law scolds her husband for "protecting his mother in everything and running against me"... To sum up, in families with conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law think that their son (husband) is weak and incompetent and cannot vent their anger on their behalf. Therefore, in family life, men sometimes have to show the authority of the head of the family to intimidate the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who are "causing mischief", "counter violence with violence" to make the women stop, and resolve the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law once and for all.

16. Divert the attention and let the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law face the "outside" in unison

In "The Romance of the Three Kingdoms", Zhuge Liang said that many times the relationship between enemies and friends is changing. Maybe today A friend may become an enemy tomorrow; in the same way, an enemy today can become a friend fighting side by side tomorrow. Therefore, to deal with the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, it is necessary to find out the most common points between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, so that they can forget their internal conflicts and deal with them externally. Obviously, the only thing the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law have in common is that they love the same man - themselves. If you "stay up all night", "have bad habits such as gambling", or want to "run away from home to clean up your ears"... At this time, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will automatically shake hands and make peace, and handle the most important "family issues" together "Crisis", after fighting side by side for a long time, are you still worried that your mother and your daughter-in-law will not be able to establish a deep revolutionary friendship?