What does it mean to have trouble at the widow’s door? What should the next sentence be? This is a common saying that has been widely circulated among the people in our country since ancient times. It has been passed down orally, but its origin is unknown. The complete sentence is: There is little smoke on the widower’s roof, but there is much dispute in front of the widow’s door?. It means: a widower, a man who has no wife or a wife who has lost his wife. There is no one to cook at home and there is little smoke; a widow, a woman who has lost her husband (especially a young widow), is prone to gossip and a lot of right and wrong in front of the house.

Do widows have a lot of trouble at home?: A woman whose husband has died is likely to attract special attention from others to her private life, thereby gossiping and gossiping. If a woman whose husband has died has no ability to make a living, she must rely on other men to survive. Then her survival needs and sexual needs are their weaknesses, and such women are easily taken advantage of. For widows who have no worries about food and clothing, their sexual needs are Their weakness; therefore, there are always some unscrupulous men hanging around in front of the widow's door, probing around, approaching, looking for opportunities to attack; some are traitors, villains, and rich men who want to possess and express their selfish desires, some are to carry on the family line, and a few are suitors. , there are squatters, this is the source of right and wrong; even the normal interaction between widows and men can easily lead to gossip. This scene: the widow is the prey?, and the bad guy is the hunter?. This is the reason why there is so much dispute at the widow's door. In the first half of the sentence, there is little smoke on the widower's roof?

In movies, TV, and videos, scenes of raped women jumping into wells and hanging themselves are common. The reason is that feudal rulers created many tools to harm women: ① Men and women are not intimate: women cannot interact with men casually, let alone have physical contact. ②Three obediences and four virtues: obedience to the father before marrying, to husband when married, to son after husband's death, women's virtues, women's words, women's appearance, women's merits; submitting to husband's power is virtue, those who look good and speak should smile without showing their teeth, sit without spreading their legs, and do not Bad words; it is a woman’s merit to support her husband, educate her children, and do housework diligently. ③Three Virtues and Nine Martyrs: Feudal society used to encourage and praise women's moral integrity of not remarrying, not losing their virginity, and being buried after their husbands died. ④ Chastity Archway: Chastity Archway is usually an archway built in ancient times to honor some martyrs who did not remarry, did not lose their virginity or committed suicide and were buried after their husbands died.

Is there a lot of trouble in front of the widow?: From a formal point of view, the problem lies with the widow. The root cause is that men can have three wives and four concubines, and can have promiscuous sex, while women can only live with one person. Therefore, the essence of the many disputes at the widow's door is the distortion of women's rights by men's rights; it is the moral kidnapping of women by men.

There is a saying that there is little smoke on the roof of a widower's house, but there are many disputes in front of a widow's door. Since ancient times, there have been countless widows' bitter tears and widowers' loneliness!

On the night of New Year's Eve last year, the whole family went out for a reunion dinner. After having a full meal, it was already around ten o'clock in the evening when we came back. At this time, there was the crackle of fireworks and firecrackers everywhere, and there were not many pedestrians on the street.

I turned a corner and was about to reach the door of my house when I suddenly noticed a bright and dim fire on the roadside, as if someone was smoking there. I’m very curious: Who is still squatting here smoking during the Chinese New Year?

I walked up to say hello and found out that he was a neighbor from this village. I should call him Uncle Mao, a bachelor. I handed him a cigarette and lit it for him, then I asked:

Uncle Mao, you are celebrating the Chinese New Year and you are not at home, why are you squatting here smoking alone? ?

Uncle Mao took a puff of cigarette, sighed and said: Oh, I am at home, what are I doing at home? Anyway, I will be alone when I go back, so it is better to stay here and watch the fireworks and be popular. ?

Although I couldn't see the expression on his face clearly, I could feel that when Uncle Mao said these words, he must have had that sad and sad expression on his face.

Uncle Mao is nearly 70 years old. When he was young, due to the poor family background, he failed to marry a wife, and now he is living alone.

After chatting with him for nearly half an hour, I got drunk and was too sleepy to stay, so I helped Uncle Mao stand up and sent him home.

Old people like Uncle Mao are what the ancients called widowers.

"Mencius: King Hui of Liang" defines it this way:

An old man without a wife is called a widower; an old man without a husband is called a widow; an old man without children is called a widower. It is called being alone, and being young and without a father is called being alone. These four are the poor people in the world who have no complaints.

?

In other words, the widowers defined by the ancients are not limited to those who lost their wives in old age, as some people think, but also include bachelors who have not married a wife.

The old man didn’t want to go home, and no one wanted to cook when he got home, so there was naturally less smoke in the house. So, why is it said that there is so much trouble at the widow’s door?

When I was in Beijing a few years ago, the landlady was a kind old lady who was very good at conversation and knew a lot about humanistic allusions.

It was a day before the wheat harvest. I was chatting with the old lady in the courtyard, and the cuckoo's call came from the air.

I looked up at the sky and asked casually: Auntie, what do you call this kind of bird here? ?

This is the widow bird! ?The aunt answered without thinking.

I was surprised: I had never heard of it before, how could it be called this name for just a bird! Just ask the aunt: Widow bird? Why haven't I heard of this term? ?

The aunt smiled, pointed to the sky and asked me: Well, what do you want to hear it say again? ?

I listened attentively to the bird's call, which was ups and downs. When I listened carefully, there were four syllables. The first two were flat tones, the third was an ascending tone, and the fourth was an incoming tone. But what could this cry mean?

When the aunt saw my confused look, she smiled and said: Didn’t you hear it? Its cry contains four words. These four words are: "It's so hard for a widow?!" ?

After hearing what my aunt said, I listened carefully to the chirping of birds. While listening, I muttered the words "It's so hard for a widow?", and I felt that the chirping of birds really matched it. !

Ji Liao showed his insight this time, and I had to secretly admire Auntie.

Next I asked the aunt: So, why do you say it is so hard to be a widow? ?

The aunt sighed and said: Xiao Lizi, you are still young and don’t know these messy things. I can’t explain it to you in a sentence or two. Let me tell you simply, is it difficult for a widow to take care of her children alone without a man to support her? ?

I nodded.

If there are men in the family, you can wear red and green, go to the market and so on. Not so the widow. You should wear brighter clothes. People will say that you are showing off and that you go out to seduce men, so you will have no choice but to live in disgrace. ?

If you are missing an item and borrow it from someone else’s house, the widow will have to wait until the mistress is at home before she can enter, otherwise she will be stabbed in the spine. ?

If there is something at home and you want to find a man to help you, it will be even more difficult. Unless you ask your natal brothers to come, otherwise, even if your biological uncle comes over, some people will make gossips, just like the sentence: There is a lot of trouble in front of the widow's door! ?

After thinking about it, I think what the aunt said is really reasonable!

I have a neighbor, I have to call her aunt. She lost her husband when she was in her 30s, leaving behind three children: two boys, one girl. At that time, others advised her that it was not easy to raise a child by herself, so she would find another family. However, she told them that if her son was brought to another family, not only would he have to take another family's surname, but he would also have to be criticized by others when he grows up. So I never remarried.

I remember it seemed that one noon around the beginning of autumn, there was a lot of noise on the street. I went to the street and saw that it was this aunt who was quarreling with another woman. The woman jumped so high that she foamed at the mouth. She stretched her hands and pointed at the widow and cursed: "You are shameless. You can't seduce anyone, but you want to seduce our leader. You can bully me because of me." , let’s see if I don’t tear your dick to pieces The widow's face was red and she was crying so much that she had snot and tears. She defended herself: I couldn't carry the medicine bucket, so the third brother lifted it up for me without even touching it with his hands. , why did you say who seduced whom? You have to be reasonable! ?

However, this woman didn't care about this. After a few words, she stepped forward and started fighting.

I heard from people next to me that this is what happened: This widow was applying pesticides to the crops in the field. When we apply pesticides, we use buckets to carry water from the well. Then he poured the water in the bucket into the medicine bucket, squatted down, buckled the strap of the medicine bucket on his body, and then stood up with difficulty carrying the medicine bucket.

That bucket of water weighs about thirty or forty pounds, which is fine for those with strong physiques. But for women with weak physiques, it would be a bit difficult to squat on the ground and carry the bucket of water.

Brother Mingju saw her struggling to carry the bucket of medicine, so he quickly stepped forward to help her lift a handful. This scene happened to be seen by his wife, which caused an uproar. .

Actually, everyone can see that this woman is clearly bullying other people’s widows, but no one watching the excitement on the street dares to speak for this widow, otherwise, they will blame themselves. Put the shit basin on.

It was a normal neighborly matter, but when it was left to the widow and she met an unreasonable woman, it became right and wrong. So the ancients said: There are many disputes at the widow’s door!

Guo Xiaoting in the Qing Dynasty wrote "The Complete Biography of Jigong", and there is this passage in the book:

Sun Kang said: Master, my husband opened a medicine shop in Japan, and he was the same as him. Worship brother. He also saw my husband when he was sick. When my husband died, he helped with the funeral arrangements. After the funeral, the young woman said to him, "There are many disputes in front of the widow's house. I have something to ask you, so you don't have to come to my house. He hasn't come since then." So we know. ?

Here, what Sun Kang refers to is Xu Jingkui, the doctor who treated his husband. When Sun Kang's husband was ill, it was Xu Jingkui who took care of him; after Sun Kang's husband passed away, it was Xu Jingkui who helped with the funeral.

During that time, Xu Jingkui often went to Sun Kang's house. Later, when they were done, Sun Kang told Xu Jingkui: There are many disputes in front of the widow's house. If nothing happens in the future, don't come. If anything happens, I will invite you.

This is the earliest source of this sentence that I have found so far. However, there are no upper and lower sentences in the book. The couplet about the widower should have been added by later generations.

There is such a legend:

There was a woman whose husband died after only two years of marriage, leaving no son or daughter behind. The woman was a widow in her husband's family, and her mother-in-law supervised her very strictly and did not allow her to associate with any man.

One day, the long-term worker at home accidentally spilled water on her body. The long-term worker quickly apologized, and the widow replied, which was seen by her mother-in-law. The mother-in-law immediately scolded her loudly, saying that she was unruly and flirting with wild men.

A few days later, wherever the widow went, there was always someone pointing behind her, and even the servants looked at her strangely.

She couldn't bear such a life. On a dark night, the widow dressed up, silently walked to the well, jumped into the well and committed suicide.

For a widowed person, every move, word and deed she makes, including her dressing, etc., must be scrupulous.

"Zengguang Xianwen" contains these two classic sayings: A gentleman loves money and gets it in a proper way; a chaste woman loves sex and accepts it with courtesy. ?

It means: A gentleman can also love money, but he must choose a correct method and be righteous? Widows can also love beauty, but they must also dress appropriately.

From "Mencius" in the Spring and Autumn Period to "Zengguang Xianwen" in the Wanli Period of the Ming Dynasty, during these more than a thousand years, almost all Taoist priests have set layers of precepts for widows. Therefore, it is difficult to be a widow!

So, since it is difficult to be a widow and she likes to cause trouble, why not choose to marry again?

This has to start with Confucius!

In ancient times, when a woman remarried, there was a special word called remarriage?.

Jiao originally means drinking and toasting; rejou means toasting for the second time. "Confucius Family Sayings" stipulates this:

When the husband dies, he will follow his son, and there is no reason to marry him again. ?

After her husband is gone, a woman must raise her children well and cannot remarry, otherwise it will be immoral.

Therefore, Confucius stipulated three obediences and four virtues for women: obey their father before marrying, obey their husbands when married, and obey their sons after their husbands die.

If you don't comply and want to find someone to marry, I'm sorry, at least you will be scolded for the rest of your life, or at worst, you will be killed.

Let’s talk about Qin Shihuang’s mother Zhao Ji! After her husband died, she was unwilling to be lonely, so she fell in love with the fake eunuch Lao Ai and gave birth to a child. After Qin Shihuang became wise, he felt that it had brought great shame and humiliation to himself, so he imprisoned his mother. That fake eunuch, Lao Ai, had his car broken apart and his clan was exterminated without any discussion.

What should I do if my mother gives birth to a child? Put them into sacks and have them throw them to the ground, killing them alive.

This is the price of not being a woman!

Because of this incident, Qin Shihuang ordered people to carve stones in Kuaiji to vigorously promote women's chastity and severely punish widows who remarry. This famous stone tablet in history is engraved with this sentence:

Marrying with a son is twice as bad as death.

?After a man dies, if he leaves his son behind, the woman cannot remarry. Whoever dares to disobey women and abandon their son to remarry will be punished by death!

During the Sui and Tang Dynasties, things were relatively open. If a woman's husband died, she could remarry as long as she did not leave her son behind.

In the Song Dynasty, the life of widows was even more difficult. Acting studies were prevalent in the Song Dynasty, and conservatives represented by Sima Guang, Zhou Dunyi, and Er Cheng were firmly opposed to widows remarrying.

In the time of Zhu Xi, another set of Zhu Xi's Neo-Confucianism was created, which proposed that it would be a small matter for a woman to starve to death, but a serious matter to lose her integrity? This officially set the tone for women to keep their integrity.

Want to get married again? You have to pass the test of being a Neo-Confucian moralist first!

So, if you abide by women's ethics and remain a widow for life, will it bring any benefits to yourself or your family?

Zhu Yuanzhang made detailed regulations on this! In the first year of Hongwu in the Ming Dynasty (AD 1368), Zhu Yuanzhang, the first emperor of the Ming Dynasty, issued an edict to express chastity to women: All folk widows whose husbands died before thirty years old and who do not change their moral integrity after fifty years of age will be exempted from the family's official duties. ?

?For those who become widowed before the age of 30, as long as they survive 20 years, they must be famous, profitable, and gain the respect of their neighbors.

Remarrying is looked down upon by others, while staying virtuous brings fame and wealth. Under the influence of this social system, generations of widows have no choice but to face the morning wind, night rain, and lonely lights. Be widowed and live alone.

Therefore, for more than two thousand years, countless women whose husbands died have had to give up their lifelong happiness. They would rather endure the embarrassment of many disputes at home than dare or cannot remarry.

Postscript

A chaste woman was widowed when she was young. When she was seventy or eighty years old, her family was full of children and grandchildren. The children gathered around her and asked her: In these years, How did you get through it alone? ?

The old lady said nothing, but took out a cloth bag from the pillow and fell to the ground. When the descendants saw it, it turned out to be a bag of copper coins, and none of them understood it.

The old lady said slowly: Sixty years, sixty years! Every night I couldn't sleep, so I took out these hundred copper coins and scattered them on the ground, searching for them in the dark. After I found them, I was exhausted both physically and mentally, and then I went to bed. I have endured this kind of life for sixty years! ?

Everyone looked blank.

There is an old saying that goes like this: It is easy for a husband to die generously, but it is difficult for a widow to keep her integrity calmly? This is exactly the case.

Whether it is the Three Cardinal Guidelines and Five Constant Virtues, or the Three Obediences and Four Virtues, or the "Daughter's Classic" and "The Classic of Filial Piety", they are all a kind of shackles on ancient women, firmly locking women in a cage set by men. , causing generations of women to suffer.

This phenomenon was not improved until the rise of the women's liberation movement during the Republic of China.

After the founding of New China, the first law promulgated was the "Marriage Law", which advocated freedom of marriage and completely liberated women from the patriarchal society. They can make their own decisions about marriage, divorce and remarriage.

Of course, in today's society, there are also women whose husbands have died and are widowed. However, this is mostly because she lives a single life voluntarily and is not forced by external forces.

This is just my opinion, please correct me if I have any shortcomings, thank you!