"Don't you think it's important to make yourself happy? Isn't life just happiness? " "I always wonder what I didn't do well and what I didn't do well enough. Is it difficult? I used to tell people that, but in the past two years, more and more people have complained to me that they want to be happy, but they are not happy and are at a loss about the future.
Different generations have their own reasons for depression and unhappiness, which can be roughly classified as follows:
1. In too many single-parent families, patients' childhood is full of traumatic experiences, and when they grow up, they still live in the shadow of abandonment and are vulnerable to emotional blackmail.
Young people have low wages and long working hours, but they lack a sense of accomplishment. They can't afford to buy a house or save money.
There are more and more "leftover women". They didn't feel it at first, but when they encounter emotional setbacks or lose their parents, they will feel depressed.
4. It is really a great physical and mental burden to face a child's illness (such as Asperger's syndrome) or parents' dementia.
Middle-aged people feel uncertain about their jobs, their prospects are uncertain or even dim, and their marital status is often not good.
6. Old age, poor health, loss of independence and dependence on life. Or, although healthy, life is boring and unaccompanied.
So in recent years, consciously as a psychiatrist, there are many more important tasks than drug delivery, such as:
1. Encourage patients to have hope and patience when they are depressed.
2. Remind patients to prepare for the work transition.
The most important thing is to find a way to make them happy
For people who have lost their happiness or are alive but can't feel it, whether they go to psychiatry, psychosomatic medicine, psychological counseling or even whether they have a diagnosis of mental illness is actually not the key point, but to understand that "happiness is both a strength and a responsibility."
Happiness is a luxury for people above grade five and the older generation. They grew up in an era of material scarcity, with low prices, relatively low wages and many children at home. They have to take care of their parents and work hard to be human.
At that time, the education system and social atmosphere revolved around Mr. Jiang Zhongzheng's famous saying: "The meaning of life lies in creating the life that the universe continues, and the purpose of life lies in improving the life of all mankind." So everyone should be conscientious and self-disciplined, and the pursuit of happiness is similar to evil behavior. Young people should not have long hair, go to dance halls or even play mahjong.
Part of it is influenced by Japanese education. Serious father, responsibility to the country, nation and family, etc. A rigorous attitude often makes people feel overwhelmed. Even though the economic take-off has brought them wealth and enabled them to settle down, they have fulfilled their due responsibilities, but the long-term depression has made them forget that "happiness is actually a kind of strength."
Why can't we pursue happiness? One saying is that happiness will get carried away, bohemian and bad for your health. In fact, the pursuit of happiness in life, as long as you follow three simple principles:
1. Don't base your happiness on other people's sufferings, such as baby abuse, bullying and extramarital affairs.
Don't sacrifice your health, such as eat areca, smoking, drinking and taking drugs.
3. Don't overdraw your future happiness, such as swiping your card, not studying and not working hard.
There is a married 30-year-old female patient in the clinic, who has been unable to get out of the pain of her father's sudden death a few years ago and lives like a walking corpse every day. Although my husband loves her very much and has no regrets about accompanying her to see a doctor, I feel that not only one person is unhappy, but even people who care about her are very hard, so,
Happiness is a responsibility to yourself and others.
In fact, if you want to live, you must live happily; When two people are together, love must be able to live happily together. When you are unhappy, how can the person next to you be happy (if he really cares about you and loves you)? Everyone's greatest responsibility for their own life is happiness. While fulfilling other responsibilities, it is not necessary to sacrifice happiness. Otherwise, it will be as miserable as having only work, no life, only children, no social interaction, only making money and no social responsibility.
Once I happened to see a program on YouTube, and the speaker mentioned that the Bible often quoted a story about a king's old son:
Abraham, though rich; But after years of age, my knees are still empty. So, one day, when God said to him, "Don't be afraid, Abram, I am your shield, and I will give you a generous reward. Abraham said, "Thank and praise God, and I will know that God is a generous and rich God. I will accept God's reward with confidence and gratitude. But he said, "Lord God, since I have no children, what reason will you give me? 」
God said, "Only those born from you will become your descendants" and said, "The descendants of Abraham will be as numerous as the stars in the sky. 」
The speaker said, "At first, Abraham didn't really believe in God's promise. After all, he is almost 100 years old. Then he took a big step forward and stared at the roof hanging above him, as if staring at the sky: "But every night when Abraham comes out of the tent and looks at the stars in the sky, he can't help but think of what God said, and his descendants will be as many as the stars in the sky. His heart was full of hope, and then he really had children and many descendants, just as God promised him. 」
The audience is fascinated, just like seeing the stars in the sky with their own eyes, just like hearing God's real promise with their own eyes. I was fascinated and embarked on the road of positive psychology: "yes, we must first believe in ourselves, and perhaps believe in the mysterious force that is far away and unknown!" Because without faith, there is no beginning, no change and no possibility of the future. 」
So happiness is sometimes a decision, a choice, just like courage. If you really have no choice, seek professional assistance or psychotherapy.
Happiness sometimes requires you to try new things, keep a regular life, open your heart to people, take part in activities and so on. Just like when I was a child, I never thought that one of my identities would be a writer, because at that time, there was no computer, the handwriting was ugly, I liked to erase it, and I was often angry and depressed when I couldn't write a few hundred words; But I didn't give up. With the computer, all these problems were solved, and I finally got a sense of accomplishment and happiness in my writing.
Don't deny yourself or even give up on yourself just by trying 1 or twice. I don't like this, and there are other things! Life can be diverse and rich.
Because it is very important, please remember that happiness is both a strength and a responsibility.