The son lobbied: "It's a shame to count your business. The number of friends is scarce. "

People say that half of the Analects rules the world, or half of the Analects. After reading it, you will gradually understand the way of the world, and you will see everything and truth in the world clearly. In this wonderful book, not only is every sentence classic, but the arrangement is also very meaningful. For example, this article "The Analects of Confucius, Li Ren Si" ends with "Zi You Yue". After careful consideration, this arrangement is really interesting.

Who is Ziyou?

Yan Yan, born in 506 BC, is about 45 years younger than Confucius. He is from Wuxian (now Yushan Town, Changshu City, Jiangsu Province). He is the only disciple of Nanzong among the 72 sages of Confucius. He is good at literature, and once served as the commander of Wucheng County, expounding Confucius' theory and educating the people with rites and music. The voice of string songs is everywhere in the territory, which is praised by Confucius. Confucius often said, "My door is depressed, and my way goes south", which means that the cultural spirit I taught has since spread in the south because of my disciples' wandering.

In The Book of Rites, apart from Confucius, there are two people who appear most frequently, one is Ceng Zi and the other is Ziyou. Both of them are people who inherit the basic spirit of Confucius' mantle and have a deep taste of "ceremony" Ceng Zi is more disciplined, free and flexible. In short, in Confucius' "teaching classroom", Ziyou is the master of learning. Confucius liked this "prodigy" very much. Considering that Ziyou's hometown is in the south, he will eventually return to the south after his studies. Confucius will consciously ask him questions in class and give him a chance to talk about his own views.

The Analects of Confucius Four focuses on teaching people to be self-sufficient and happy. Simply put, it is to teach people to broaden their inner cultivation from the heart. Confucius talked a lot about how to be benevolent when getting along with people, how to be benevolent when facing wealth, how to be benevolent when facing mistakes, how to pursue Tao, how to avoid bias, how to face righteousness and interests, how to treat parents and so on. Finally, Confucius turned his eyes to Ziyou, meaning, Ziyou classmates, talk about your understanding.

Ziyou was young and vigorous. He stood up and said bluntly, "It's your business. It's a shame. The number of friends is scarce. "

The implication is that it is good to be happy in benevolence, and its essence lies in harmony, harmony with oneself, harmony with people and harmony with all things in nature. To achieve this harmony, the key lies in moderation and knowing well.

First, a certain degree of restraint.

What is "degree" is actually the degree to which people's words and deeds fit with their environment and people they face.

The purpose of speaking is to make others happy and listen. On this basis, I will explain my intention and exert a good influence on people. By making each other grow and develop better, I will share this good feeling with myself.

Simply put, speaking itself follows this simple logic: please the other party-receive information-have an impact-get promoted-benefit yourself.

This is an extremely complicated process. The so-called moderation means that before speaking and acting, we should pay attention to the logical consequences of speaking and acting, and strive not to let the logical consequences deviate too much from the initial heart. If words and actions can't achieve the expected results, we might as well stop for a while and adjust and rationalize before taking further action.

Some people, unlike others, speak just to show off their eloquence. They are also called outspoken. First, I lost my foot in trying to please the other party. Before it was my turn to "transmit" the signal, it was blocked by the other party first. Others only care about themselves, regardless of other people's feelings. These are unintentional, and it is not these who lobby, but those who are self-righteous.

What are the characteristics of self-righteous people? Talk for the sake of talking.

I think what I said is an absolute fact. Whether you like it or not, you can not listen, but I have to say it. I completely forgot that the purpose of speaking itself is to improve each other and benefit myself.

Ziyou said to this pedantic and self-righteous person, "It's a shame to count your people. The number of friends is scarce. " Self-righteous, repeatedly exhorting the monarch, will lead to insults; Self-righteous friends, repeated persuasion, too much persuasion will lead to alienation.

If you have something self-righteous in your heart, just keep saying it, and keep saying it again and again. You are true enough, and the aura of sincerity is added to your head. What about your monarch and your friends? Where did you put them? Have you considered their feelings?

Really, yes, but not interesting enough.

Second, know fairly well.

What do you mean, know fairly well?

To what extent can things be done and to what extent can they be controlled? How far things go, and to what extent, they can't control it? For this level, you must know fairly well.

If it is still within your control, you will keep your mouth shut. This is called disloyalty and lack of interest in your friends. Being out of control and not knowing how to remain silent is the same thing as being unfaithful and not interested enough in your friends. Confucius' so-called "going too far" describes this kind of scene.

To know what you know is to try your best to give advice within your control, instead of limiting yourself to three or five times, exhausting your heart, doing your duty and exhausting your wisdom. On the other hand, when things seem out of your control, stop immediately and keep silent. Settle for second best, take retreat as progress. In another way, stand in the other side's position and find the right opportunity to start over.

There is a story in "Purple Tongzhi Sword" called "Touching the dragon to say the Queen Mother". The old teacher handled the dragon well. Take care of him and let the old lady know for herself. Finally, don't put your wisdom on yourself and make everyone think it's the old lady of Empress Dowager Cixi.

Only when you have a good knowledge of proper limit and know it well can you have such an effect. Otherwise, it is to use the monarch and friends to put a good reputation on yourself and a bad reputation of being stupid and not listening to people on yourself and friends. In this way, where will there be good fruit?

What you see in the children's tour is a skill of making fun of benevolence. This technique is consistent with what Confucius said: "Happiness lies in benevolence". It is almost an external use of "the joy of benevolence".