In fact, the word "forbearance" is engraved in the hearts of most people as a warning to themselves from time to time. There is a saying: The word "forbearance" is a knife in the heart. But why do people worship such a painful word "forbearance" so much? . "Patience has its limit." This is a sentence that everyone often hears. What do these famous aphorisms mean? They explain: "Tolerance is very important to people, but it also requires certain principles. It does not mean that you must endure under any circumstances, but you must endure when you should, and you must endure when you shouldn't." In order to better explain the principle of forbearance, let’s talk about some issues about forbearance. 1. What is “forbearance” and why we should endure it? “Forbearance” is the reaction of people’s psychological will to passion and its subsequent behaviors. Inhibition. Passion is a strong emotional response, which can easily lead to corresponding behavioral responses. However, humans are "advanced animals" with complex and advanced reflex mechanisms, and they will not let the "temper" of passion cause subsequent consequences at will. Behavioral response. Because the reflection mechanism of "external stimulation-→passion-→behavior" is a lower-level mechanism, rational people use their own knowledge, experience, and wisdom to regulate, control, and Manage this reaction chain. Therefore, it is necessary to regulate, control, and manage this reaction chain because: when people are in a state of passion (here refers to negative passion), cognitive abilities (analysis, understanding, judgment, etc.) will be affected, and self-control will also be affected. It will weaken, so you may act impulsively without self-control, and even do the wrong things or say the wrong things, which will have a very negative impact on people. Swearing, violent fights, minor injuries, serious injuries, and life-threatening lawsuits occur countless times in this world every day. 2. Why "Forbearance is a knife in the heart" Human reason. Although the secondary behavioral reactions of negative passions can be suppressed, the strong emotional reactions caused by external stimuli that are inconsistent with people's wishes, loves, requirements, etc. are like a pile of fire burning in the heart. Although reason (willpower) ) water can extinguish it, but the remaining heat will still burn the heart; like a sharp knife flying in the heart, although the board of reason (willpower) blocks it, it will still pierce the heart and bleed. . Although we can’t see the burning pain in the heart and the blood dripping from being pricked, we can clearly see the gnashing of teeth, beating of the chest, stamping of the feet, and angry expressions when people endure. 3. The need to endure. Forbearance is not weakness, it is the inner quality that people should have. People are not balls that bounce when they are hit; people are not gongs and drums that bounce when they are hit; people are not frogs that jump when they are bounced; people have thoughts and wills. People in human society should have tolerance and be able to tolerate things that ordinary people cannot endure. Tolerance is a knife in the heart. Being able to endure the pain of a knife piercing the heart is not. What is tenacity? For those who do great things, enduring humiliation and bearing heavy burdens is the basic quality that must be possessed to achieve success.

Mencius said: "When heaven is about to give a great responsibility to a person, he must first do it. It tortures his mind, strains his muscles and bones, starves his body and skin, depletes his body, and confuses his actions. Therefore, tempting his mind and forbearance has benefited him in ways he could not. "Being able to endure humiliation in various difficulties is a kind of ability, and being able to endure humiliation and fight hard is an ability. A small impatience will mess up a big plan, and this is not the case for anyone who achieves great things.

Ability It is great to endure what ordinary people cannot endure. You may have heard the story about Lincoln's endurance. Once, he and his son Robert were driving down the street and encountered a group of troops passing by on the street. Lincoln casually asked a passerby: " What is this for? Lincoln originally wanted to ask which state's regiment it was, but he didn't make it clear. The man thought he didn't know the Union army, so he answered him rudely: "This is the Union army. You are such a big fool." "When Lincoln faced the rebuke from an ordinary passerby, he just said "thank you" without any anger. After closing the car door, he said seriously to his son: "It's a shame for someone to tell you the truth in front of you. kind of happiness. I am indeed a big fool. "It can be seen that Lincoln's personal cultivation has reached its peak. What a great performance this is. Everyone must be very familiar with the story of Lian Po and Lin Xiangru. Lin Xiangru put the national interests first, put aside the small matters of personal grudges, and endured With Lian Po, what is this but greatness? When you are under the eaves, you must lower your head. If you don't raise your head, you will only get a bloody head. When you are an egg, you must endure it. If you have to hit a stone, you can only do it. The best example of this is the patience of King Gou Jian of Yue to King Fu Cha of Wu. In the early days of the Chinese revolution, the left-leaning opportunist leaders focused on attacking the enemy's big cities and fighting to the death, regardless of the weakness of the revolutionary forces. It is a typical negative example. To be able to tolerate big things is to be generous, to be gentle is to be strong, to be patient is to be strong, to be patient is to be smart; to be patient is to be patient. It is weakness, and it is stupid to bear it. The story of Zhuge Liang insulting Sima Yi during the Three Kingdoms period is also known to everyone. When Zhuge Liang left Qishan on the 6th, he was stationed in Wuzhangyuan. Sima Yi knew that his strategy was not as good as Zhuge Liang, so he adopted delaying tactics and did not send troops for a long time.

Zhuge Liang sent someone to deliver a set of women's clothes to Sima Yi and said: "If you dare not go to war, you should kneel down respectfully and accept surrender; if your shame has not been eliminated and you still have some masculinity, then immediately return the clothes." , Fight regularly." After looking around, Sima Yi was very angry and asked for a fight, but Sima Yi refused to fight. Soon Zhuge Liang died of illness due to overwork. Sima Yi did not hurt any soldiers or generals and won without a fight. No wonder the ancients said: "You must be able to endure offenses and disobedience that others cannot bear, in order to achieve career success that is difficult for others to achieve."

4. Patience is principled

Che is inflexible Cars are easy to break down, and people are easy to fail if they are impatient. Patience is very important and necessary for human survival, happiness, and success. However, patience is not absolute, nor abstract, but relative, concrete, principled, and requires "measurement". This is true whether you are dealing with relatives, friends, colleagues, enemies, or bad people. Tolerance is particularly important when dealing with relatives, friends, and colleagues. But we also need to pay attention to principles and degrees. Tolerance and tolerance are not the master keys to unlocking conflicts. Because excessive tolerance will not only reduce one's prestige, personality, and status, but also spoil the other party, which is not conducive to the resolution of conflicts. At the same time, it is not conducive to the other party's moral improvement, character optimization and the formation of a sound personality. This means that excessive tolerance is detrimental to the resolution of conflicts, to yourself, and to your colleagues (family members, friends). It should be noted that when you tolerate, you must let them know that you are generous and tolerant of them. Only in this way can "forbearance" play its due role. There are several situations in which you should be tolerant towards enemies and bad guys: First, your own strength is too small and too weak. The second is to play hard to get. The third is to turn enemies into friends in order to influence enemies with lingering consciences. But what needs to be explained is: 1. Although the strength is still very weak, if "forbearance" only means "one death", don't bear it, because if you can't bear it, there is still a possibility of "survival". Peasant uprisings in history all occurred when "endurance" meant death. 2. Even if you want to turn enemies into friends, you don't just have to be patient. You can also "seek peace through fighting" and "seek unity through struggle." During the negotiations in Chongqing, in the face of repeated provocations from the enemy, the Eighth Route Army launched the Shangdang Campaign, which dealt a heavy blow to the enemy. It was a typical example of "fighting for peace" and "struggle for unity." Zhuge Liang's "seven captures of Meng Huo" in the Three Kingdoms is also a very typical example. Except for the above situations, we generally cannot tolerate enemies and bad guys. Because your tolerance is showing your incompetence, weakness, and bulliness, and you are conniving with the enemy; because, generally speaking, enemies and bad people are greedy, and they want to make more after gaining an inch, and want two after gaining one. For example, the patience of many lesbians towards those who sexually harass them ultimately allows the perverts to take advantage and destroy themselves. Another example is that many people's tolerance for blackmail has led to bad guys extorting themselves again and again, and the amounts are getting larger and larger, and even cost them their lives. Tolerating undue tolerance to enemies is not only detrimental to oneself, but also detrimental to others and society. Because if you indulge the enemy's bad guys, it will make them bolder and more ambitious. Failure to retaliate when necessary is weakness, and failure to strike when necessary is cowardice. You must take action when it's time to take action. "If we don't go to war and the enemy kills us with bayonets, he will point to our bones and say: Look! These are slaves!" 5. Conclusion Although forbearance is a knife in the heart, most people You still have to be patient despite the circumstances, which shows how important patience is. However, "tolerance" is not unlimited or unconditional. It does not mean that you must "tolerate" blindly under any circumstances. It means that you must tolerate it when you should, and you must not tolerate it when you shouldn't. There is no specific "calculation formula" for what situations should be tolerated and what situations should not be tolerated, but there are general guiding principles. I think this principle should be: If tolerating the small can benefit the big, and tolerating the present can benefit the future, then "tolerance"; if tolerating the small is not conducive to the big, and tolerating the present is not good for the future, then "not tolerant."