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I don't remember when I first lied, but I often lied consciously, which should be in junior high school. Because I lived on campus at that time, I was basically out of the discipline of my parents. The result is always different at home and at school. You are very good at home, sleep in school, often miss classes, and sometimes you will lie when you come back too late after playing too crazy.
I think everyone has lied, and lying doesn't mean malicious deception. Sometimes we tell some white lies, and sometimes a little lie can save a lot of trouble. Nietzsche said: In order to live, we need to lie. Mark Twain also famously said: We don't have to learn to lie. Lying is a natural instinct. Everyone is lying, awake, asleep, dreaming, happy or sad every day and every hour; Even if we can keep our mouth shut, our hands, feet, eyes and manners can't help showing the true face of cheating.
Even if everyone can lie, many people have obvious discomfort when they lie. I scratch my head or rub my hands to cover up this uncomfortable feeling. The main reason for discomfort should be that I feel that lying is wrong and I feel a little uncomfortable psychologically. To solve this problem, we can actually change the way of "lying" with misleading facts.
Misleading fact means that when someone asks you a question and you really don't want to answer the other person or lie, you can tell the other person a related fact, but this fact won't reveal the secret you don't want to tell.
For example, your friend was chased by a killer and hid in your house. Then the murderer came to you and asked if your friend was in your house. You can't tell the murderer that he is here. If you don't want to lie, you can answer like this: "I saw him in the supermarket this afternoon." This is a misleading fact.
First of all, what you said is true. You did meet your friend in the supermarket this afternoon, which stopped you from lying. But your facts are misleading, and the murderer will think that you mean that this person is not in your home. You didn't lie, he was misled.
Wei Xiaobao of the duke of mount deer is a master of this trick. Because he has joined many organizations, sometimes he is inevitably asked for details. At this time, he will always tell the other party some misleading facts and let the other party speculate based on these facts. Most of the inferences are in his favor.
You may have questions. Why don't you lie? If a person doesn't think lying is wrong, isn't lying more conducive to protecting his own interests? The fact is that if you always answer each other's questions with lies, you will need a lot of energy to remember which lies you have told. And because you are not the only one who knows many things, if someone else is present at the plot of your lie, then others will know that you lied, which is very unfavorable for maintaining interpersonal relationships and your reputation.
Besides, the loss of being caught lying is too great. What you said will be remembered, and once you are found lying in the future, your reputation will be ruined. If a person doesn't know whether others should believe what he says, it is impossible to cooperate. Therefore, rational people should avoid lying in formal occasions, even if it is purely for selfish purposes.
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However, although misleading the facts is not a lie, for others, if the facts prove that you didn't tell what you know, you will still be considered as no different from lying.
Psychologists have done a set of experiments. Test the misleading effect with facts.
The experiment is to simulate selling cars online. Suppose there is a car, everything is normal, but sometimes it won't catch fire. At this time, the buyer asked the seller if there was anything wrong with the engine of the car. The seller can't lie directly, and he doesn't want to tell the buyer the problem of this car. He tells the buyer a misleading fact: "This car runs smoothly on the road."
After the buyer got the car, he found that there was something wrong with the ignition. Then the researcher asked the buyer to rate the seller, and the seller rated himself. Out of 7 points, the average score of buyers is 2.5, and the average score of sellers is 3.4. In other words, when you mislead others with facts, you may feel better about yourself than lying directly, but in the eyes of others, you are lying.
But even a misled person, misleading with facts is equivalent to lying, which is better than lying directly. Because although you misled others, you still told the truth, and your words are still worth listening to. Others can carefully analyze everything you say and infer the truth from the facts. But if you lie directly, your words are not worth listening to at all.
Imagine that if everyone lies casually, then this society will be too terrible and there is no basis for cooperation at all. And if we tell the truth, but sometimes deliberately mislead with facts, then this society is not perfect, but at least it is worth talking to each other.
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Therefore, for individuals, when they act in society, they must not lie. If you have to lie, you must also mislead with facts.
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