There is a specific thinking tendency in the early stage. It aims at harmony without difference, takes fame and wealth as the principle, takes self-esteem as the method, and takes people's positive true feelings as the basis, forming a theoretical system with certain internal logic and ideological connotation. This theoretical system and its thinking tendency not only reflect the superb art of China philosophers in dealing with interpersonal relations, but also coincide with the development trend of modern philosophy in attaching importance to "communicative relations". Its ideological content can make up for the lack of interpersonal problems in modern society, and provide wisdom and enlightenment for establishing a harmonious social order and building good interpersonal relationships in the present era.

Confucian interpersonal relationship

Since its founding, Confucianism has deliberately explored interpersonal differences and their harmonious coexistence, and attached great importance to dealing with various interpersonal relationships. This has been very obvious in early Confucianism. Early Confucianism made careful observation and in-depth thinking on various interpersonal relationships such as monarch and minister, father and son, husband and wife, brother and friend, and formulated norms, put forward guidelines, and formed a systematic interpersonal relationship theory. This interpersonal relationship theory embodies the thinking tendency of early Confucianism in dealing with social relations, and has profoundly influenced the communicative behavior and personality characteristics of China people for thousands of years, and has become the theoretical and ideological basis for dealing with various interpersonal relationships in traditional China society. Interpreting the early Confucian interpersonal relationship theory and its thinking tendency and theoretical characteristics is of great enlightenment significance for building a good interpersonal relationship and a harmonious social order today.

The goal of Confucian interpersonal relationship: seeking common ground while reserving differences

China culture has a tradition of "harmony", which was well implemented in the early Confucian interpersonal theory. The ideal interpersonal relationship and social state pursued by early Confucianism is harmony. They advocate "harmony but difference" between people and live in harmony in differences.

Early Confucianism attached great importance to the harmonious coexistence of interpersonal relationships and regarded "harmony" as the fundamental goal of dealing with interpersonal relationships. They promoted "harmony" to an ontological category, and thought that "harmony" was the basic law of heaven and earth and a universal and effective way to the world. Everything in the world is harmonious through the harmonious construction of various elements, and it is based on "harmony" for its own growth and long-term cultivation. Therefore, "harmony melts everything" and harmonious interpersonal relationship is the implementation and embodiment of this way of heaven and earth in personnel, which can unite strength and achieve great achievements, and is the premise of personnel prosperity and social peace. It is precisely because of the important role of harmonious interpersonal relationship in the implementation of the whole society and personnel achievements that Mencius said that "the weather is not as good as the geographical position, and the geographical position is not as good as people's harmony", and Xunzi also said that "harmony is one, one is stronger, many are stronger, and strong is not as good as things". [3] In their view, only by achieving harmonious interpersonal relationships can we realize the Confucian ideal of peace and prosperity and the personality of saints. Therefore, the early Confucianism built a systematic system of rites and music on the basis of inheriting predecessors, and reshaped the rites and music civilization since three generations. They interpret the traditional culture of rites and music as a cultural system seeking harmony in differences, and think that "harmony is the key to using rituals" and "harmony is fun", and the system of rites and music has become an important guarantee for regulating various interpersonal relationships and realizing interpersonal harmony. In this way, the pursuit of harmonious interpersonal relationship has become the purpose and core content of the whole ritual and music culture.

Confucian principle of interpersonal relationship: seeking equality by distinguishing names.

In order to build a harmonious interpersonal relationship in differences, early Confucianism put forward two basic principles for correctly handling interpersonal relationships, namely, birthright and equivalence.

Roll call Birthplace is the embodiment of a person's status and responsibility, and it is the social identity that a person has in various social relations. Early Confucianism believed that people have different reproductive rights in different social relations, and different reproductive rights lead to complex social relations, and reproductive rights are the constraints and definitions of social relations. Therefore, in order to correctly handle interpersonal relationships and maintain social harmony and order, we must emphasize birthright and use specific birthright to restrain people's behavior. As early as Confucius, the founder of Confucianism, had clearly put forward the idea of "correcting the name" and advocated standardizing interpersonal relationships from "correcting the name". He believes that as long as the birthright is straightened out, people will be able to carry out their duties, live in peace, and be "Jun Jun, minister, father and son" without deviance, then interpersonal relationships will naturally be harmonious and the world will naturally be * * *. This idea of Confucius was faithfully inherited by Mencius, Xunzi and other early Confucianism. They all emphasize the importance of birthright in regulating interpersonal relationships, and they all think that "a husband is not a husband, a woman is not a woman, a father is not a father, a son is not a son, a monarch is not a monarch, a minister is not a minister, and he is confused". They regard the confusion of birthright as the cause of interpersonal disharmony and social chaos, and advocate "justified by name" and controlling people by name.

The method of Confucian interpersonal relationship: self-centered, pushing yourself and others.

What methods should be adopted to build a harmonious interpersonal relationship? Early Confucianism believed that we should be self-righteous first, and then push ourselves and others.

To deal with interpersonal relationships, we must first correct ourselves. In early Confucianism, positive self has two meanings: one is self-cultivation and the other is starting from me when practicing moral norms. The so-called self-cultivation is to strengthen one's moral cultivation and enhance one's moral realm, and take this as the fundamental method to establish harmonious interpersonal relationships. Early Confucianism believed that "a gentleman seeks for himself" and "bowing to the knees and lightly blaming others is far from resentment". As long as you strengthen your moral cultivation and don't demand others, you won't be resented by others and you can live in harmony with others. The main content of their self-cultivation is "benevolence" and "ceremony", which advocates that "benevolence" permeates and shapes people's inner quality and "ceremony" regulates people's external behavior.

The foundation of Confucian interpersonal relationship: attaching importance to emotion over form

Early Confucianism attached importance to the true feelings of the world, and scholars have long known this. Mr. Qian Mu thinks: "In the whole life, Confucianism in China pays more attention to the emotional part of this heart, especially more than its attention to reason." Mr. Pang Pu also pointed out that in the early Confucianism, "the value of love is so high and the field of love is so wide, which is rare in other places." The emotional tendency of early Confucianism is embodied in its interpersonal relationship theory. They believe that people's positive true feelings are the basis for establishing good interpersonal relationships, and other external forms are secondary.

The highest rule of Confucian interpersonal relationship: benevolent people have no worries.

Meaning: This should start with what "benevolence" is in Confucius' mind. According to statistics, "benevolence" appeared 109 times in The Analects of Confucius, which is not only the highest moral standard, but also the highest criterion for dealing with interpersonal relationships and even governing the country. First of all, "benevolence" is the requirement of Confucianism for "gentleman", that is, the inner cultivation of a moral person, such as "self-denial and courtesy are benevolence." So how to "self-control": "Zhang Zi asked Confucius for benevolence. Confucius said,' Being able to do five things for the world is called benevolence.' Please ask questions. Say:' public, tolerant, trustworthy, people, and benefit. Courtesy is not humiliating, forgiveness is popular, trust is considerate, sensitivity is active, and benefit is enough to make people. "It can be seen that the mental state and spiritual realm of the benevolent are very charitable, tolerant and peaceful, and they will never feel uncomfortable or even bitter for the slightest misunderstanding or offense of others, which is what Confucius said:" A gentleman wanders around "and" Isn't he a gentleman who doesn't know what to do? " This kind of mentality can naturally achieve "the benevolent does not worry."

Secondly, according to the Confucian thought of "joining the WTO", "poor people are immune to it, and rich people help the world." As long as the benevolent is possible, it is necessary to put yourself in love and spread the thoughts and behaviors of "benevolence" to the whole society and country, such as "the benevolent loves others." "Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you." "I want to stand up and stand up. I want to touch people." "Into the filial piety, the young. You are sincere and believe, you love everyone, but you are kind. " In today's popular words, a "benevolent" should be like Lei Feng, caring for others and doing good deeds every day. Such a person must have a very harmonious relationship with others and will not make enemies himself. As the saying goes, "he will never do anything wrong in his life, and he will not be surprised to knock at the door in the middle of the night." What is there to worry about? Therefore, Confucius said, "Be kind with one heart and do all kinds of evil." * * * If you can make up your mind to be kind, then all your actions are reasonable, and you won't have any hatred with others. * * * As can be seen from the above, it is reasonable for Confucius to say that "the benevolent does not worry". Moreover, because of "no worries", the life span will be long, so Confucius has another famous saying: "Different people have different opinions, and the wise have different opinions". Of course, "worry-free" here means not to be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, haggle over every ounce, or even do everything in the office for your own personal gain, instead of advocating that everyone should be "careless" and have no sense of urgency. If you are kind, you have to worry. From a big perspective, worrying about the country and the people should be advocated, and it should also be "worrying about the world first, and enjoying the world later"; From a small point of view, we should have a long-term plan for our study, work and even living arrangements, and we should not live a lifetime in a muddle; From a smaller perspective, even if you live at home, you should be careful, even careful. "Everything is established in advance, and it will be abolished if it is not planned." If these places are not worried, they will leave a disaster for the future that is too late to "worry". This is what is often said. "Those who have no long-term worries must have near worries."