As parents, I'm sure everyone has a lot to say about whether adults can be angry with their children. After asking some people, everyone has his own opinions. There is also a well-known saying: if you don't do your homework, your mother will be kind and filial, but if you do your homework, your chickens will fly and your dogs will jump. So can you get angry with your child?
Some people say that adults should control their emotions and not be angry with their children at will. What can't they tell their children?
Some people say that children are children after all, and they will be frightened by the anger of adults, especially when they are young.
Some people say that adults can get angry when children are too unreasonable or particularly naughty, because children can't listen at all when they talk well, and they can only be suppressed with a higher voice;
However, are you angry with your child and worried that your child will learn from adults who can't handle their emotions? Some children sometimes ask why adults can shout loudly ...
I also changed from being angry with children to not being angry, because many times getting angry doesn't work at all, maybe it worked at that time; When children are young, they will be forced by the pressure of adults, and they will become more and more useless when they grow up. I can't control my children, and I'm still angry! It's the wrong method. If you can't change your child, change yourself.
After learning some knowledge about parenting education, I feel that getting angry with children is an irrational way to deal with emotions, which can't solve the problem. I am even more worried that children will also fight violence with violence when they encounter the same problem.
I give priority to persuasion when dealing with children's emotional problems, but my husband has a hot temper, and sometimes he can't control his anger, so I appease the children and do his ideological work behind his back. When chatting with colleagues at work, I found that many colleagues, especially boys, were like enemies when their children were in adolescence.
I remember that when my son was growing up, it was inevitable that boys would be naughty and make mistakes. Sometimes they were in a bad mood and didn't study hard, or watched more mobile phones or played games. My husband is not pleasing to the eye when he sees it. Sometimes he is male chauvinist and often can't help yelling at his children for a while, trying to suppress it with his father's authority. Children don't show weakness, and reply in a higher voice. My husband is challenged by parents' prestige and gets even more angry. Finally, the children will say something more irritating in anger, and my husband will get even more angry, and sometimes even use force to solve it ...
Every time I interrupt their words in the middle, or see a hot scene pulling people away, I am a fireman!
I have comforted my children many times. You know that your father has a bad temper, but he is right. Seeing that the child's anger is getting smaller, I analyzed with the child again: Your father's way of speaking is wrong, but his content is good. You can accept what he says, but don't learn his handling method!
my son will say, I just don't like his way, so I can't listen to the content! But through chatting, I heard that he actually only listened to some negative energy content, which was some irrational words spoken by adults, but what he really wanted to do was not listened to because of resistance! He cares more about the way adults talk! I'm shocked to hear that. The child is being subjected to verbal violence. This can't be done!
In fact, the same is true when we adults quarrel. Every time we only listen to what we don't want to hear, some people will tell what they have listened to when they turn over old scores. Often we can't finish quarreling again and again, which can not solve the problem, hurt our feelings and hurt others.
In an angry mood, people tend to get out of control, say a lot of irrational words, and it is the easiest to say anything, while the listener usually pays attention to the speaker's mood first, not the content.
"We must remember these two things in life: don't make decisions when you are angry, and don't make promises lightly when you are happy."
after comforting the children, I will talk to my husband behind my back. In fact, he also knows that he is wrong, but he can't help it. He sometimes regrets it when he gets angry. We chatted and gradually got to know each other.
1. When a child is growing up, he will always make mistakes. At home, he should accept his mistakes and analyze them with him. It cannot be solved by violence. Anger can't solve the problem, and children can't accept opinions and grow up.
2. Children are normal people, and sometimes they have emotions. We should accept children's emotions, and treat children's problems just like water control.
3. Communicate with children in the right way. Every child is reasonable and should be treated in a rational way. At this time, sorting out problems when there are problems is the fastest time for children and adults to grow up. Children also learn how to manage their emotions in the way adults deal with problems.
4. The sensitive period of children is the time when adults need to understand most, but adults have to get angry. They only see the superficial problems of children and don't find the underlying logic of children's emotions, which means they miss their understanding of children and their concern for them. Many problem children just don't get understanding and recognition at home, but go out to make trouble.
5. A child has a child's position. He is also an independent person and has his own space. Parents should respect their children and give them the freedom to grow up. Most importantly, the future is his own. Sometimes parents can't make decisions for him and give him the right to choose, so that children can learn to be responsible slowly.
It is better for my husband to reflect on himself slowly, stop getting angry and sometimes chat with the children. In the growth of children, we grow up with our children, and our son sometimes praises his father for changing a lot. My son also passed through adolescence smoothly.
I found that after every quarrel, it was a time when my son and I communicated smoothly, and I don't know why. He will be very willing to tell me about his recent situation, why he is in a mood, and what happened. Every time he ends with a happy result, the child's growth can be seen, and he can chat calmly without quarreling with his husband.
My son and I have become good friends. When something happens, we are tired of studying. We like to chat with me. Sometimes when we get home, we say, Mom, let's chat, so our mother and I are happy to chat. Sometimes I listen to him quietly, sometimes I share what I have learned with him, and sometimes he admires me for being so reasonable. I also asked him to be my "post-wave tutor" and ask him questions. In fact, children still know a lot!
as long as parents let go of themselves, they can do well! I became his tree hole, and his home became his place to recharge and relax, so he could go into battle easily every day.
I read an article today, which was written by teacher Li Songwei, "Apologize when you get angry", which has solved many lingering problems in my mind. Adults can get angry, but apologizing after getting angry will get twice the result with half the effort.
Many psychologists or educational experts emphasize that solving problems peacefully is to make children feel safe and ask adults to manage their emotions. However, adults are not superhuman, they are also emotional, and sometimes they can't help but get angry, which is normal. In this state, the child will receive feedback from adults, get the correct information, and understand that his actions may be excessive or wrong, although sometimes he will refute, and then he will think about it and will converge next time.
If adults think that children are easily injured and blindly tolerate it, children will not get correct feedback, and they will not know where their unreasonable scale is, and whether it is reasonable for them to be angry or not, and will it affect others? You will miss this learning opportunity, and even there will be a vicious circle in the future, which will become more and more unreasonable.
It is also a kind of respect for children for adults to get angry at their children's play, just like listening to children. I attach great importance to your performance, but your performance is not right.
When an adult gets angry, he should explain or apologize to the child. Why is he angry? It is equivalent to telling the child in another way, "I can't handle my emotions well sometimes. I'm confessing, and apologizing to you is a positive way to make up for it." This is exactly how to teach children how to handle their emotions better by example. Sometimes children will apologize for their actions and realize their mistakes in a real sense.
Just like my husband and I are dealing with the problems of our son's growth, it is equivalent to a good COP and a bad COP. After my husband gets angry, I will promptly guide the child and break down his conflicting emotions. On the one hand, he will realize that he is wrong and can listen to what I say, on the other hand, he will experience that the way dad gets angry can't handle the problem. This is actually an opportunity for him to learn.
Sometimes children are naughty and emotional, in order to attract others' attention and grow up in reflection. Parents also need to constantly change, seeing themselves and seeing their children.
In the process of children's growth, parents are the first teachers. Parents' behavior and guidance are very important for children's growth. We can seize every opportunity to plant seeds of good and evil for our children, and they will grow into towering trees in the future.
Let's talk about it. Do you get angry when facing children's problems?