Last Friday, just after coming home from work, I saw my son sitting on the climbing mat playing with building blocks.

My son saw me coming back and shouted to me, "Mom, come and play with me."

I saw my son so happy, so I went over and piled up building blocks with him.

after a while, my son and I piled up a small house, and my son jumped for joy.

At this moment, my mother-in-law came out of the kitchen and said, "What's so happy?"

The son quickly ran to his grandmother and said, "Look, Grandma, I'm amazing." He pointed to our work.

Grandma praised her son for his skill, so she told us to wash our hands and eat. So I called my son, "Xixi, wash your hands quickly and let's go to eat."

My son is still immersed in the joy just now and doesn't want to be disturbed. We called several times but he didn't hear us.

So I went to help my son, and he threw me away and said, "I want to play."

I was unhappy at once, so I shouted at him loudly, "If you don't listen, mom will be angry if you do this again."

Then he looked at him with a black face.

maybe my son was scared by me, so he went to wash his hands.

The next day, when I was chatting with my best friend, her words reminded me. She said,

"On the surface, this method can have an immediate effect. In fact, it is just a compromise for you, and it has not had any educational effect."

Many times, when we stop a child from doing something, we often say, "If I do this again, I will be angry", and then the child will be obedient.

However, when parents say this sentence, they are actually trying to control their children with their emotions.

Research shows:

If parents always want to control their children with emotions, it will not only have no educational significance, but also affect their children's life.

Parents' control will only make children compromise

In the movie Dog Thirteen, the girl Li plays because her parents are divorced and have been living with her grandparents.

Her hobby is astrophysics, and she likes reading A Brief History of Time best. When choosing an interest group, her father prevented her from choosing a physics interest group and forced her to choose English.

The father and daughter were unhappy because of this, so my father gave her a dog to make her happy.

Gradually, she developed an affection for the dog and named it Einstein.

But it didn't last long. Grandpa accidentally lost Einstein when he went out to buy food.

Li went around looking for a dog like crazy, and hurt his grandpa's foot, and grandma almost got lost.

The whole family is accusing Li of playing, saying that she is not sensible.

My father beat Li in desperation, just to make her be an obedient child.

He said, "Dad hit you for your own good. If you behave yourself, Dad won't hit you."

who knows how sad Li was at that time.

Later, in order to stop her from making trouble, the whole family found an identical dog, which could not make up for the pain in her heart.

gradually, she hid her grievances and learned to forbear and compromise in front of adults.

Dad took her to the party, and she was forced to eat dog meat, but she still pretended to be indifferent in front of adults.

It's all because she was heartbroken by her loveless home and made her compromise.

It is said that there are thousands of ways to educate children, but controlling children with emotions is the most useless one.

Although the child has been obedient, it has also changed.

Sometimes, children may be willful to get more care from their parents, but parents often only use their emotions to control their children and ask them to "you must obey".

"Obedience" has become a cruel reason for parents to educate their children.

However, under such emotional control, children gradually learn to tolerate and compromise in front of their parents, and it is difficult for them to live their true selves.

Children threatened by their parents live in fear

Not long ago, an eleven-year-old boy from Anhui went to the police station and said that he would "turn himself in".

It turns out that this boy likes playing games at ordinary times. He bought nearly 5 game cards with his pocket money.

Later, my mother found out that in order to prevent my child from indulging in games, this mother moved the police uncle out, saying that it was illegal to buy cards and asked him to "turn himself in".

So the little boy stood in front of the police uncle with a bag of game cards on his back and said, "I'm from the first place". Then the boy began to cry.

I feel a little sorry for the little boy, because a "lie" from my mother makes the child feel scared.

I can see how brave it took the little boy to run to the police station.

methods are very important in educating children.

Many times, we will use the tone of threats and intimidation to stop children from making mistakes again after they make mistakes.

Although it was effective at that time, it ran counter to education.

This way, not only does not let the children know where their mistakes are, but it will cause a certain shadow in their hearts.

Brain science experts point out:

Especially what parents say, children believe most.

If parents always educate their children with threats and threats, it will make them lack of understanding of mistakes.

At the same time, lack of sense of responsibility will lead to fear of the future, which is not conducive to children's growth.

In Give Me Your Hand, Son, Heim said, "Every child develops a sense of responsibility through his own efforts and experience."

In the process of children's growth, parents should tell their children the real reasons for their mistakes, so as to cultivate their sense of responsibility.

Parents' control can't make children really obedient

"If I do this again, I will be angry", although this sentence is to prevent children from making mistakes.

However, parents are trying to control their children with their emotions, which is a threatening education.

This way can't make children really obedient.

In fact, many parents are wrong in educating their children.

When there is a threat to children in parents' education, it can only have two effects on children:

1. Hint at yourself and don't make parents angry

In general, when parents say something like "I'm angry" or "If I do this again, my mother will be angry", a brand "I can't make my mother angry" will be engraved on children's psychology.

In the long run, the real reason why children do wrong and obey is not because they know the mistake, but because they can't make their mothers angry.

that's how good children come.

2. Children's denial of self-ability

The majesty of parents can make children obey temporarily, but there will be "fear" in their hearts.

Parents who often manipulate their children with their own emotions will make their children compromise and dare not do anything they want to do.

Over time, it will make children think: Is it right for me to do this, and will my mother be angry?

Therefore, if we use the wrong way when educating children, it will have an impact on their growth.

I remember watching a video before:

A father took his two daughters to the supermarket, and the younger daughter pushed the car and knocked down her eldest daughter.

Dad asked her to say "I'm sorry" to her sister, but the youngest daughter lied on the ground and refused to apologize, insisting, "I didn't mean to."

The father still patiently said to his daughter, "I know you didn't mean it, but you have to say you're sorry."

my daughter still doesn't want to talk.

At this time, people around me said, "Slap her and pull her hair hard ..."

However, my father still insisted. He squatted down and taught the little girl how to say "I'm sorry".

After his father's patient education, the child finally said that he was sorry to his sister.

If parents can be like this father and educate their children more patiently after they make mistakes, they will be an excellent child when they grow up.

I have heard a saying:

There are many "Xiong Haizi" in the world, but truly wise parents know how to lead the right direction in their children's life track.

It is not terrible for children to make mistakes. If children can get up with reflection after making mistakes, mistakes will become classrooms.

Parents are the first responsible person to educate their children. When children make mistakes, tell them the real reasons for their mistakes in time, so that they can understand their responsibilities.

Education lies in understanding. As a parent, you must use your wisdom to create a bright future for your children.