I began to know that the love between the opposite sex was in the first grade of primary school. It was a very natural and primitive feeling, that is, I wanted to play with him, I liked and wanted to play with him, and I wanted to go on like this with him, without the care of older people and the desires and interests of adults. I once told my sister who was in Grade One at that time, and she laughed at me: Does Xiao Pi still know how to like it? In fact, in retrospect, she is the Xiao Pi Ya, because I have a wit and a dark belly since I was a child. When I was one year old, I helped her teach her a lesson about bullying her big brother in the neighborhood, and I was fearless. My father described it to me like this: at that time, your sister was bullied and cried, so you ran to say, Brother, I'm playing with you! That girl picked you up, you spit in his face as soon as you soaked in saliva, picked up your sister and ran indoors. Then don't come to me to complain ... His name is Ding Hongyu. He is very white and handsome. He is my deskmate and the first male friend I know and make. When I was a child, I was reckless, and I did a lot of fighting, so I naturally played close with boys. However, I am a quiet person with a good disguise since I was a child, so I also have many friends, so I won't go into details here. ? At that time, I often played with his good friend Dai Yufeng and my gay friends Xu Wenyi. These names are far away from me, but I always remember them. Having fun on the playground in the afternoon, sitting in the position to draw pictures, playing games that I don't know much about, such as airplanes and warships ... At that time, I didn't have any worries, and the days passed slowly, just like the sunshine in early spring. I really hope to live like this for the rest of my life. However, I transferred to another school in the second grade, left my familiar environment and began to live on campus.

? Despite my loneliness and their rejection of new people, I feel a little inferior and lonely at this moment. Fortunately, I have not forgotten the feeling of liking someone.

? He was a schoolmaster and a monitor. He was very thin. At that time, he was about 1.7 meters in grade five or six, and he wore glasses. He was also relatively white, but he was really ugly. He was a typical schoolmaster, and his name was Peng Ruidi. Because of him, every boy I liked later was schoolmaster. Good grades had a natural attraction for me, probably because I was a scholar who was not very smart and pursued progress.

? Like the admiration of civilians for the emperor, this is all my feelings. It is really admiration, and the love that comes out of admiration is a very humble emotion.

? For a long time, we didn't say a word, and we really had communication. It was in the fourth grade that I finally got along "to put on airs". I was lucky enough to get the attention of the class teacher with good Chinese, participated in a series of activities such as flag-raising ceremony, Chu Cai composition contest, reading knowledge contest, etc., and became a class cadre, so I had the opportunity to say a few words.

? Later, I changed my head teacher, and I got mixed up, so there was no more.

? One embarrassing thing is that the whole class almost knows, and even he pointed me out to his parents. Sometimes I am nervous, and this was told to me later. But I can pretend, my mouth is shut, and I won't admit it until I die, so it's meaningless.

? When I was in the fifth grade, I was "lucky" to be his deskmate. (There was some selfishness in this place, and I could have chosen to sit with my good friend, but I chose him.) Because I lived at school, my homework was supervised by my deskmates, so that my English book had a lot of his signatures, which was considered as "evidence" that I had liked him. I also found that English book last year and read it. When I was in junior high school, I adhered to the principle that "time will dilute everything". I forgot about him, and then I fell into the pit of Xueba. Yes, he was still a Xueba, vice monitor and sports committee member. He was a fat man in the first grade, a little dark, but actually quite cute. Later, I lost weight in the second grade, but I didn't like him so much. My name was Wang Hongyi, and I was still a Xuemin and class cadre. History repeated itself. It was in the first semester of junior high school that my best friend (she was a cadre since she was a child, and she was very official, so I felt very uncomfortable at that time, and she also belonged to the light of admiring her. Fortunately, she was sincere to me and we played better) first discovered this matter (at this moment, my personality is very outgoing, because I have an official position, and I am a little arrogant). I still killed myself and refused to admit it. No, how could it be? Still no thrilling story happened, he just told me math problems, yes, it was so … boring! However, I like listening, so much so that I was once addicted to mathematics that I couldn't extricate myself. He took the first exam and I took the second. The point is that he was still my deskmate.

? Later, in the second day of junior high school, he had a girlfriend. I cried my heart out and moved myself to tears. People around me advised me, but I just wouldn't listen, which was melodramatic. I seriously suspected that my literary temperament was inspired at that time!

? My heart is not only here, but also in my own mouth! What I said hit home. It's a golden tongue. Before that, I had "hooked up" with his gay friends, because I knew the routine since I was a child: how to chase girls? Take care of her best friend. So, I turn it upside down, and it's the same. The same reason can be obtained.

? In front of him, gay friends, I was too sentimental, insecure, wronged and self-pitying. I used almost all the disgusting styles I recall now. He gay friends asked me: What kind of girl do you think he would like? I told all the names of the girls I thought he would like very honest and frank. As a result, his two subsequent girlfriends were on my list.

? Before they were made public, I had a dream. I dreamed it, and then I woke up crying. I saw their buttons and signatures became lovers'. I was really a mouthful of blood. I suspected that it was still a dream, but it was true. After a long time, I talked to him about gay friends, and he gay friends told me that he dreamed it, too. It's an indescribable feeling.

? Later, I never met Xueba again, so I can't talk about who I like. Maybe, I still can't let him go. But my principle is, I will be reserved, I won't say, er, I won't admit it, and I won't even kill myself, arrogant!

? On the summer vacation when I graduated from junior high school, my handsome brother, I can't tell whether it was my cousin or my cousin, got married. On October 5 that day, Vae came to Wuhan for the album signing ceremony of "Why not have tea?" I had an appointment with my classmate and sister, but it was washed away. I went to my brother's wedding without preparation. There was only one feeling that he was not so beautiful, but his bride and her best friend were beautiful. I just like my face. I still remember the train I took with him when I was eight years old, the Japanese drama "Great Olympics" I watched with him, and "take me to your heart" he hummed. At that time, I didn't know much about anything, but I can remember it for a long time. When I think of it, it's an old time, an era.

? If I can't let go of someone, that's the first memory. Ding Hongyu, who smiled gently and looked white and comely, lost touch for twelve years. It's really a long time, but in order not to be disappointed, I chose not to look for him, because what I can't get is the best, so let him lie in the memory. When I am old, he is still young!

Jin Tan has something to say:

? After reading this article, if you want to ask me: your poems are full of sad feelings, did you experience a lot of feelings at an early age?

? Then, please forgive me for rolling my eyes and saying: no comment! After all, have you never eaten pork or seen a pig run? As a baby who started to write poems after reading Zhang Ailing's novels, I don't want to explain too much. There are too many looking for a marriage in this world, and I don't want to get involved in this muddy water. It's good to be a silly child every day.

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