Mom, I can only love you silently in this way

Many times, I don’t want to touch the memories of the past, otherwise I will find that I still have scars, just like I It was clear that everything should be forgotten, but all the memories about that time resurfaced because of this theme.

My mother is an out-and-out housewife with an ordinary appearance and some education. She married my father when she was not yet twenty years old.

To this day, I still can’t understand what kind of feelings my mother and father have for each other. People in that era often settled on the words of a matchmaker for a lifetime. They never loved each other, but it was also a lifetime.

My mother always said that she had a busy life, and she didn’t even have time to live, grow old, sick, and die. Whether at home or outside, her mother was always working hard and busy. The hardship and hard work contained in these words No one understands the sorrow and sorrow better than me! All the reasons are because of my dad!

Dad has been grumpy, paranoid, and typical of male chauvinism since he was young. He often gets into trouble. For the smallest trivial things, my mother will be beaten and scolded by him. In front of my father, my mother She has always kept her eyebrows down and followed her cautiously, but she didn't dare to say a word for fear of being beaten or scolded... Once my mother couldn't bear it anymore and drank pesticide in the middle of the night. For some reason, I still don't dare to do it until now. I asked, but I just vaguely remembered the screams and convulsions in the house at that time, and the panic. Although my mother was saved in the end, my father's temperament did not change.

At that time, when I was young, I often hid aside in fear. In my heart, I hated my father, his irritability, his lawlessness, and even more, my inhumanity towards my mother. Every time I heard When my mother secretly said that she was no longer with my father, I was filled with joy and naively hoped that they would divorce soon, because then my mother would not suffer so much. But in the end, my mother still couldn't let go of my sister and me. For the sake of this family and for the sake of Child, she spared no effort in silently giving, and could endure all the sadness and pain, but she could not get divorced!

So, in the following years, what followed was countless times in the middle of the night, when I was carried by my mother through the long dark mountain road, bumping back to my grandma’s house; During countless tossing and turning nights, I saw my mother sobbing silently with her head buried in the quilt. So I hated myself, hated myself for not being able to grow up quickly, hating myself for not being a boy, for not being able to protect my mother, for not being able to stand up for my mother to stop my father’s evil deeds!

My mother doesn’t allow me to hate my father! Yes, she told me that my father was actually good at heart, but his bad temper determined what he did. The premature death of his parents, the fact that he had not studied for a few years, and the hardships and ups and downs of life made him even more miserable. I tasted the hardships of life too early... I believe what my mother said, because my father would regret it every time, but he couldn't control himself when his temper got up.

My father is a tiger at home, autocratic and will take it out on my mother if he doesn’t get what he wants. My mother must listen to what he says and do what he tells me. If he wants to find something, he can’t wait for a moment. , the mother must find it immediately. If he is angry and refuses to eat, the mother must persuade, coax, and feed him like a child, otherwise none of us will dare to eat the meal with chopsticks.

When I grew up, I was stubborn and stubborn and could not tolerate such a family environment. I escaped from it and wanted to run away from home many times. I vowed never to return to this home that made me sad and shed tears. At that time, I didn’t know how worried my mother was about me. Until that day, I had an argument with my father again because of my mother. My father shouted at me to get out of this house, and my mother held me tightly and cried and refused to let me go. Faced with heartbreak and grief, My mother was in tears, and I was almost hysterical. I suddenly realized that I could no longer fight my father like this. If I left, my mother would be so sad, and my father would take it out on her. I could leave, but I would suffer. It will only be my mother who will die. For the sake of my poor mother, I must admit my mistake to my father. No matter what, I can't leave this home!

I know that my father still loves me, but his authoritarian mentality will never tolerate his children's resistance to him. Just like my mother's lifelong obedience to him, we must do the same!

In my father’s mind, I always think that I am my mother’s sky. It is my blessing that my mother married him. Without my father, my mother would have to live a normal life like other rural women. Life is a life of hard work in farming.

Faced with such a father, I feel more resentment. It is clearly his unreasonable, yet so overbearing and unreasonable fallacy!

How could he understand how difficult it was for his mother? How had he ever bothered at all about matters at home and outside the home? For decades, my mother has been like a spinning top, struggling to support the family with her thin shoulders. How could she be missing at home and outside the home? It has been a habit for many years, whether it is my father or me. With my sister, the first thing I did when I entered the house was to look for my mother, and the first words I said were "Mom". When my mother was not at home, the whole family was at a loss. My father didn't know where the clothes he changed every day were placed, or where the light switch was. He didn't know how to use any kitchen utensils, and he didn't even know how to take the medicine he took every day. But even so, he still won't admit his dependence on his mother, and he feels at ease with his mother's warmth, but he doesn't take it seriously!

Or, as long as his mother is by his side, he will never understand how important her is to him!

For many years, my mother has worked hard to serve my father, but my father has never known how to feel sorry for my mother. My mother has coronary heart disease and often has chest tightness, let alone anger. But in such a family environment, how can I do this? She is not angry, she knows that she cannot be sick, and even if she is sick, she will secretly find some medicine and take it, fearing that her father will blame her and be angry if he finds out.

"After so many years, I still don't know what your father's temper is. I'm used to it," my mother always said calmly.

Nowadays, my mother has become increasingly haggard and old, and my retired father My temper has also changed. Now that I have grown up and have a family, I gradually no longer have hatred and have learned tolerance and tolerance. I know that there are still many responsibilities in life waiting for me to bear. For this family and my mother, I can only silently I will love and repay you with kindness and filial piety to you a thousand times, ten thousand times, my dear mother!