There is an ancient saying:

“You don’t need to say everything to know people, otherwise you will have no friends; you don’t need to be harsh on others, because being harsh will lead to distance; you don’t need to be humble to respect others, and you will be humble. "If you do everything, you will have few bones."

Know people without saying anything; be able to see through without telling them;

responsible for others and leave room for others;

respect people. Don’t be humble, your attitude should be neither humble nor arrogant.

Being and doing things just right can make others feel comfortable and allow you to live at ease.

Know people without saying anything, and know things without making any noise

The ancients said:

“Too many words lead to failure.”

The way to speak is certainly true. Important, it is even more important to know how to shut up.

There is a dialogue recorded in "The Analects of Confucius".

Some people say:

"Ran Yong is a man of benevolence, but unfortunately he is not good at speaking and has no eloquence."

Confucius disagrees:

“Why do you need to be eloquent? Arguing with others eloquently will often make people annoying. Although I don’t know whether he is benevolent or not, why do you need to be eloquent?”

In Confucius' view, those who are good at eloquence may not necessarily be better than those who are not good at eloquence.

Many times, aggressive people are even more annoying. What's more, they like to talk about other people's pain points, and they are smugly thinking that they see others clearly.

As everyone knows, this will only make people stay away from him and not dare to interact with him. After all, who wants to be friends with someone who hurts them?

A truly smart person always knows people without judging others, knows things without speaking out, and sees things through without telling them.

There is a story in Feng Tang's "The Thirty-Sixth National Congress".

In a teahouse in Taipei, several friends met for tea. In front of them, the teahouse owner boasted that he had contracted several acres of tea land in the countryside, and the mountain tea he grew was of the highest quality and rare in the world.

Coincidentally, one of my friends happened to have a boss in the tea industry who was very knowledgeable about tea. He could tell at a glance that the teahouse owner was actually bragging, but he did not expose it immediately. Smiling without saying a word.

The boss has always been like this. He has an attitude of seeing through many people and many things without telling them. Therefore, he is very comfortable in the business field and maintains good relationships with many partners.

A couplet on the door of the Golden Pavilion Temple in Wutai Mountain reads: "It is difficult to open your eyes to see through the world, but you can nod your head secretly after reading the human feelings."

No one is a saint, and no one can make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes and makes a fool of themselves sometimes. Don't be that smart person with "dazzling eyes" who stands out for a moment and embarrasses others.

Hemingway said:

“It takes us two years to learn to speak, but it takes sixty years to learn to shut up.”

Being able to see through is certainly a mistake. Ability, choosing to shut up is a kind of maturity.

In life, you don’t have to stand out everywhere and be the first in everything. It is better to restrain your sharpness and stop at the point.

Seeing things through without telling them, and knowing how to save face for others are the signs of high emotional intelligence.

Don’t be harsh on those who blame you, but forgive others if you are justified

Lü Kun, a thinker in the Ming Dynasty, wrote in his book "Moaning Language":

"Responsible people should be spared." It's not pleasant to keep your mouth shut, your face red and your back sweaty, but it's so cruel to be shallow and mean! Therefore, a gentleman should not attack others more than seven points, and he must be reserved to make others feel ashamed and make them rehabilitate. , then you can.”

When blaming others, drive them to the point where they are speechless, sweaty, red-faced, and ashamed, and continue to accuse them;

It lasts for a while. So quickly, he exposed his narrow-minded and mean character.

So, when a gentleman accuses others, he must know how to leave room for the other person to change his ways.

Everyone is likely to make mistakes. It is wise not to hold on to others' mistakes and to leave the other party with a way out.

I read an allusion:

A thief in an ancient temple with strong incense was interested in the incense money, and may even threaten the safety of the monks in the ancient temple.

So, some monks suggested that everyone unite to catch the thief to avoid future troubles.

However, not only did the host not agree, but he deliberately left the door ajar at night so that the thief could escape.

The monks were puzzled by this and even complained about the abbot. In their view, presiding over this move is undoubtedly encouraging the thief's arrogance.

Faced with everyone’s questioning, the host responded like this:

“As a human being, don’t be too desperate and leave a way out for others. Those who are thieves also encounter difficulties. It was a bad idea."

Coincidentally, the thief happened to hear this, and he was ashamed and deeply moved.

After that, no incense money was ever lost in the ancient temple. The money that was lost before was also secretly returned.

As the old saying goes, leave a fine line in everything so that we can meet again in the future.

There is nothing wrong with being reasonable but not forgiving from a moral standpoint; being reasonable but forgiving is leaving a way for others to live.

Guo Degang also warned us:

"If you have to be merciful, please be merciful. The mountains will not turn and the water will turn. In life, everyone will have a moment when the horse is riding high and the short mountain is exhausted, leaving behind Some leeway is to give yourself some escape routes. "

It is others who make mistakes today, but you may be the one who is in trouble tomorrow.

Smart people all know how to take a step back from everything, and be reasonable and forgiving. The room left for others may be the hope for others.

Respect others without being humble, and don’t please others

I heard a saying from a father educating his son:

“Be above others, treat others as human beings; Before others, you should treat yourself as a human being."

It makes sense.

Many times we are in a lower position, and we always unconsciously think too highly of others. This is actually a kind of low opinion of ourselves.

One year, the famous host Bai Yansong went to Guangzhou Jinan University to give a speech.

The students were very excited when they saw him. Some asked for autographs, some asked for photos, and many took photos to post on Weibo.

After the speech began, Bai Yansong first said this:

“I just saw a Weibo post that said: I’m about to meet Teacher Bai Yansong!!! ! ! ! Used eight exclamation points! I feel sorry for you when you have a space to express yourself instead of raising your questions. If we have something, we should start by looking up. No matter how high others are, we should not look up; no matter how low others are, we should not look down."

Habitually looking up to others and putting yourself down is actually a manifestation of a please-pleaser personality.

Writer Jiang Fangzhou used to be a pleaser.

As good as she is, she actually has low self-esteem and is very sensitive inside. She always tries to please others subconsciously and tries every means to take care of other people’s emotions;

Even when she quarrels with her boyfriend, Worried that the other person will be angry, I always bow my head and apologize.

During that time, she lived in great pain.

And when she gradually tried not to please anyone, she truly found herself.

She finally understood:

"The person who truly appreciates you is the one who appreciates your pride, not your pretending to be lovable or pretending to be humble."

In fact, we often confuse respect with flattery, turning respect for others into groveling, and turning respect for others into obedience.

In fact, while respecting others, you don’t have to feel wronged or lower yourself.

A smart person respects others without being humble, can lower his head but also knows how to raise his head, is neither humble nor arrogant, and lives freely.

Yu Qiuyu wrote in "Su Dongpo's Breakout":

"Maturity is a kind of bright but not dazzling brilliance, a kind of mellow but not unpleasant sound, a kind of indifference to the noise. A smile that washes away extreme indifference.”

Smart people know when to advance, when to retreat, when to persist, and when to give in.

Knowing people without telling them all, having the wisdom to see through, but also the wisdom not to tell;

Responsible without being harsh, having a broad mind and a long-term vision;

Respect others without being humble, have the cultivation of respect, and have the confidence not to please.

Life is full of complicated things. I hope you and I can cultivate an exquisite and clear heart and manage our lives with a larger pattern.