In your 20s, you are confused and anxious. You want a house, you want a car, you want to travel, you want to enjoy life.

You are so young but you have a glimpse of the whole world, you are so impetuous but you want to see through life.

You keep urging yourself to grow up quickly, but you can't calm down to read an article quietly; you blow the horn of progress again and again, but you always fall not far from the starting point.

Is growth really as urgent as you think?

—Reprinted from Yahoo's "Another Way to Live"

1. Don't be anxious, don't be anxious

I was on a business trip in Nanjing last week and was exhausted late at night. Went to meet up with friends and talked until two in the morning. It was nearly three o'clock when we returned to the hotel, but my colleague in the same room was still awake. He lit a cigarette and stared at the night view of the old city on the 65th floor in a daze. He is not a talkative person. He has a bald head, looks like an artist, and has a naturally cold temperament. His previous interactions were only business matters, let alone talkative. I don’t know why I mentioned the mentality and choices of today’s young people, but the conversation started and I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

He came out to work at the age of 18 and never went to college. He is 38 years old and is the design director of a famous magazine. If this was a cliche inspirational story, I might not be interested in listening to it anymore. But he said, I don’t know what people of your generation think. I resent the distinction and labeling of those born in the 1970s and 1990s, and I can’t talk to many of my peers. People identify with each other based on their values, not their age. Nowadays, people of your generation seem to be in a hurry for houses, cars, and money, but even your peers don’t all think so, right? I nodded.

He continued, in fact, every generation has its own depression, and really, this is how they all get through it. I only got my own house two years ago, and my son is two years old this year. I think everything is fine. When I was 25 years old, I was working in an institutional unit and had seven or eight years of work experience. I couldn’t stay any longer and wanted to leave. The boss invited me to drink. He drank a glass of wine and told me, you are still young, don't think so much, don't be anxious, just do what you need to do. Just this sentence, I still use it.

When I was young, I was playful and impetuous, and I was always tempted by various temptations. I just remembered the old leader’s words and didn’t think about anything else. I just did my own thing. In a blink of an eye, I’m here now. He continued, "If you want to talk about struggle, I have never done it. I just take it step by step." Things like houses and cars, to be honest, as long as you are not stupid or stupid and do what you need to do steadily, you will have them when the time comes, and it is impossible not to have them. Don't think about it. Don't worry about what others do, trust your own judgment. Hold on and take your time.

He said, hold on and take your time.

I just came here a month ago and took home more than a dozen old magazines. After reading it in a hurry, I sunk into the sofa in despair and sent a text message to the teacher: When will the article be written by the four major writers? The difference is not even a tiny bit. He replied, "Don't worry, you are young." I said, I am 24 years old and I still don’t see any hope. When he returned, he was only 24 years old. Our youngest is in his early 30s, so don’t worry.

Only 24 years old. He said twice, don't worry.

Li Xiaolai wrote in "Treat Time as a Friend" that we always have too high expectations for short-term returns, but too low expectations for long-term returns.

He refers to English and also to life.

After all, it’s still urgent.

2. "Become famous as early as possible", how many people have been harmed

Some people say that whoever you want to be, just go to that person. Not everyone is so lucky, but this sentence may not only relate to career, but also to wisdom in life. People tend to magnify the pain or achievements in front of them and communicate with older but enlightened seniors. They can tell at a glance what stage you are going through. What is tripping you up now is just a screw; you can't see through it with all your worries. Perhaps it was the confusion they had also experienced.

Between the ages of 18 and 23, I was very unpromising and loved reading through celebrity resumes. Every time I know a person whom I admire, envy, or hate, I search for his experience - at what age did he graduate with a master's degree? When did you complete your PhD? At what age do you start to make a name for yourself in the professional world? When did you reach what you are today?

Age, age, age, it is a kind of anxiety about time. Zhang Ailing’s saying, “You must be famous as early as possible” has harmed countless people. I hate success learning, because obviously, not everyone can succeed if they work hard, but I am convinced that I am one of the lucky ones. I am ambitious and energetic; I am arrogant and proud of my superiority in appearance and talent; I think about all serious topics, read books related to the mysteries of this world, and pay tribute to the vast civilizations of the past and present; I expect people Read my words in publications and talk about my name in the media; I yearn for fame, money, and the long hair of beautiful girls. I read Xu Zhiyuan's "Those Sad Young People" repeatedly, and my heart is moved by another equally proud soul. Surging.

But I am only 20 years old.

All celebrity books and lectures tell me that a person must know what he wants in order to accomplish things. To this day, countless articles and Weibo posts by peers, as well as popular publications, are still full of similar views, which have even become anti-success studies and inherently "correct" discourse. Identified by young people with "the ability to think independently".

However, you ask a young man who has just bid farewell to the mechanical and boring high school life and has just begun to understand the world and life, what does he want? He wants excellent grades, reputation among classmates, and a beautiful girlfriend. He also wants to find an enviable job after graduation, make money, become famous, and succeed as soon as possible.

Some people may ask, is there a problem with this? Admittedly, this is also "what I want", but it is just a standardized production line, trying to polish all young people into the same face. "What you want" shouldn't just be about worldly career and fame, it should be in line with deeper propositions, people's own struggles and explorations, that is - who am I?

Who are you? I want to get all the scholarships in the university, I want to live a life of material abundance, I want to get a high-paying position, I want to own my own house within the Fourth Ring Road of Beijing... Noooo... Who are you?

Why did the guy who was willing to paint on every possible object become a company employee, just because everyone said that the life of a freelance painter was not stable?

Why did the girl who aspired to "carry moral responsibility with iron shoulders and write articles with skillful hands" enter a state-owned enterprise, but because of her parents' earnest persuasion, the reporter's income is not as high as that of a state-owned enterprise?

Who are you? I mean, peel off all the positioning and shackles given to you by the outside world, isolate all the voices of parents and elders who try to influence you and interfere with you, and forget all the value judgments that the mass media, celebrities and publications have ever exported to you. You are who? Who is that he, she, it that is thumping and buzzing inside your body?

The world is in trouble, what are you doing here?

Not knowing what you want when you are in your early 20s is not a disaster, but it may be a blessing.

But you must have a vague idea of ??who you are and what you are interested in, right? If you don't even know this, it will really be a disaster.

Once you know what you are interested in, start doing it little by little. No matter how many voices try to turn you around, saying that this thing you are passionate about and obsessed with has no money, no future, no development, and no future, please calmly say to him or her: Fuck off, this is my own life.

No reason, because of love. Money cannot buy love.

I once sent some of the articles I had written over the past few years to my painting teacher. He was very happy and wrote back saying that it would be better if the writing was calmer, but just start writing slowly. He did not say that you should work harder on your writing skills and become a famous reporter or writer in the future. I understand what he means: If you like this, just do it slowly.

It doesn’t matter where you go.

3. Why should life be "drawn into a prison"?

A friend asked me, do you want to be an excellent reporter in the future? I said, I don't know. He was surprised, aren't you a member of the media circle? I was also surprised, why should I define my life in my early 20s? The definition is a shackle, that is, the ground is a prison. At this age, shouldn’t we do everything we can to extend our tentacles, touch different and diverse things, and perceive and observe a world that is rich and contains infinite possibilities?

To define is to close the door to possibility. How do you know you won’t encounter something that makes you more curious and excited in the future? You're in your 20s, 20s, 20s. Why can't I be a professional traveler? Why can't we become an NGO? Why can’t I suddenly become obsessed with photography after coding for a few years? Why not?

The advantage of reading celebrity biographies is that you can refer to your own life through the decisions of others at critical moments in their lives; but the negative effect may be more fatal - "I have determined to be a celebrity since I was young...".

If you go back and sort out your life experience and put some thought into it, you will see a seemingly clear trajectory and route, and then "suddenly realize": I followed this path step by step, It turns out that I wanted to be this kind of person from the beginning. If you have ever written a PS for applying to a school, you may have had a similar experience. However, this may be a highly deceptive "illusion" - looking back at past resumes, it is inevitable to summarize and categorize them, and it is not difficult to draw a main line. Most likely, you didn’t want to be such a person from the beginning, and you didn’t even know what path you were going to take. You just walked along in a daze, following your interests.

Yes, it is interest, not planning - "I have determined to be a... since I was a child."

If I become a video game player inexplicably in the future, I can also look back fondly on my personal biography: "I have determined to be a professional video game player since I was a child" because I started playing video games at the age of 4 , still does it today, and can be considered an enthusiast.

Don’t forget that Feng Tang was a poet and literary youth when he was young. He later obtained a doctorate in gynecology, then started a consulting company, and now he is in industry.

Don’t forget that until the age of 27, Lao Luo thought that he would be insulated from the words “teacher” and “English” throughout his life.

I have always been wary of the word "planning". The so-called career planning and life planning are often deceived.

Life is based on perception, how to plan? Career depends on opportunities and exploration, how to design it? And how to plan for success is even more nonsense.

When Mr. Danqing boarded a plane to the United States at the age of 28, how did he plan to become a scholar and celebrity who spoke in the field of public affairs? He just likes to draw, just draw, stroke by stroke; when teacher Qin Hui went to the countryside to join the team at the age of 15, he thought that he would stay in the countryside for the rest of his life. How could he "aspire to become a benchmark in the Chinese ideological circle"? He just likes to read, read, read one book after another.

If I have the opportunity to be invited to give a lecture among young people when I am forty or fifty, I must call it "My life has no plan"; if I live in disgrace, I will be a loser in the worldly sense. What about Luther, whom no one cares about? Then I will brag and tell my grandson some interesting stories about "life without a plan".

4. No one has the right to tell you how to live?

If you often attend ideological and humanistic salons in mainland China, oh no, or just general celebrity lectures. It is almost difficult to miss a question during the question and answer session, "Hello, Teacher XX, what are your views and suggestions for contemporary young people?"

According to some speakers, this is almost the most disturbing thing for them. Problems of disgust and boredom. Perhaps it is difficult for even the questioner himself to realize that this stupid question has a hidden psychological reason that is not easy to detect: Please tell us how we can be successful and stand out like you.

Otherwise? As one scholar said, a young man asks an old man to teach him how to face the new world. Ridiculous? Teacher Danqing said, just do whatever you love, what does it have to do with me? You are finally born in an era where you can make your own choices freely, but you still want others to guide you on how to live.

Do you really not even know what you like to do and how to live? Just want to win and be afraid of losing. What should we do and what path should we take? Aren’t we just following the inner voice through trial and error? If you go astray, go back; if you go in a hurry, go slower. Stop and think about it from time to time, take a look, think about it, and then keep walking.

How could it not fall? How could everything go smoothly? How is it possible that there is a smooth road called "success" for you to take? How can you know what kind of person you can get along with without a lot of trial and error? In the same way, how can you know what you like and what is not suitable without trying more?

Just like the preface written by Danqing teacher to Jia Zhangke, "We all have to save ourselves step by step. I rely on painting stroke by stroke, and Jia Zhangke relies on film inch by inch."

The choices of young people are like a reflection of the country's eagerness for quick success and quick gain, "pollute first and then clean up," succeed first and then grow, find a job first and then find interest, and first get ahead and then find yourself. A friend in the workplace complained that he was lost and confused at work. Not sure if you are suitable for this job?

I asked, what do you like to do? He murmured for a long time and couldn't say anything.

Some people make it clear that they don’t like their jobs. So should I sign up for a Latin dance class or a guitar class?

It is not a big problem to engage in a career that is not your own interest. It is just a matter of developing your preferences in your spare time. But I later realized that a hundred times more disastrous than not being able to do what you like to do is not knowing what you like to do.

Huang Lu once wrote in a post, "Now that I think about what Chinese parents have instilled from childhood to adulthood, it is really harmful to people to read, read, hurry up, finish the book, preferably get a Ph.D. and then go to work. Look at it this way It's a sign of being able to settle down, but in fact, the further you go, the more impetuous you become. Americans have a gap year here and there, but it is easier to find their own life. Life is a process of settling, rushing up the degree ladder. What are you doing climbing up?"

This reminds me of a story I heard. An Australian, after graduating from university, he worked as a reporter for Al Jazeera for three years. He traveled around Europe, then went to study for a master's degree in philosophy and economics, and then worked as a volunteer in Africa for two years. By the time he became a senior with me, He was already 33 years old when he joined a classmate in a master's program called "Human Rights". I don’t understand why he didn’t continue his PhD studies after finishing his master’s degree? "He came to study for a year or two after discovering a new point of interest in his life, but these interests are not as in-depth as a doctorate, and the direction of doctoral research is likely to be a lifelong ambition," the senior sister said. So what will he do when he is 35 years old after graduation? "He doesn't seem to be sure yet."

This seems to be an unreliable negative example. Just like the impression some old classmates have on me. While they were talking, they were envious of your colorful life. After hearing my plans for the near future, they exclaimed in sympathy, "How old are you when you returned from studying abroad?" 27 years old. Still studying for PhD? have no idea. When will you get married? Who knows, 30 years old? Maybe they would have a flash marriage while still studying. You are too unreliable, I already have a minor degree... Then how awesome a job can you find after you study abroad? I said that going abroad is not necessarily to find a better job. The career you want to pursue now can be done without studying abroad. ah? So what’s the point of going abroad?

Personal experience, vision and self-improvement. Look at the bigger world and discover more possibilities within yourself.

I never said this.

5. Do you want to be happy or "become a big shot"

Have you ever thought that you are just a mediocre little person in this life, and all your dreams have not been realized? This is a post that has been widely circulated on the Internet.

I am asking everyone in the Nanqiang group. Teacher Ma said, no, to be honest, we are all great people, if we follow our own pace step by step, we will be fine.

Some friends also asked me. If you are just a mediocre person after all, and those awesome dreams have not been realized, and the world has not changed at all, will you be happy?

I asked, do you have enough food and clothing? He said that it must not be so miserable. It's just that it's quite ordinary, maybe just an ordinary reporter and editor. There is nothing outstanding in the work unit. The maximum monthly salary is about 10,000 yuan. He pays for the house, raises children, and drives an ordinary car. Not painful, but not glorious either.

Is there enough space at home for me to hang up a screen and turn on a projector to play live? Can.

Also like football, reading, and everything you enjoyed when you were young? Yes.

Sometimes we hang out with friends, have skewers of beer, and chat over wine; sometimes we meet at the stadium on Saturdays and Sundays? Yes.

Happiness.

He looked into my eyes. hapiness. I nodded.

I traveled to Northeast China not long ago, and the most profound thing I felt during the journey was the difference between tour guides, flight attendants, and salespeople. You will easily find that personality completely differentiates people from each other.

We have encountered tour guides who are enthusiastic and chatty and get along well with everyone, and we have also encountered tour guides with sullen faces who act as if the guests owe her money and become impatient without even asking a few questions; I have encountered flight attendants who are as vicious as civil servants, and I have also encountered flight attendants who wore uniforms and sat in the carriage to joke and make fun of passengers.

If you were an ordinary tour guide or flight attendant, how would you treat your guests? Considering that this is a "one-time deal" that you will never deal with again, not to mention that few people really have the time to complain about your poor service attitude.

Considering that your perfect service attitude may not bring you any substantial benefits, except for a thank you and a smiling face from the guest. The unit you work for cannot notice your "excellent performance". If you perform well, you will not be promoted, and if you perform poorly, it will be difficult to be fired. In China, a person who has a bad attitude towards guests and is often complained may end up being liked by the boss, and is more likely to be promoted than you. quick. You know.

All in all, your service attitude cannot bring any visible benefits to your real life. You will be an ordinary tour guide, flight attendant, and salesperson in your life. What would you do?

Yes, maybe you will be just a mediocre person throughout your life, but your attitude will still make a huge difference in the quality of your life. You love life and work, and your sincere perception, understanding, and kindness to others may not have brought any tangible rewards or changes to your life, but it has softened the boundaries between you and your heart and the world. You continue to receive positive feedback (thanks, smiles, kindness) from others, and then continue to release positive energy, forming a virtuous cycle.

I will remember the enthusiasm, cheerfulness and smiling faces of that tour guide, that flight attendant and that salesperson for a long time. I feel warm when I think about it.

They may have been tour guides, flight attendants, and salespeople throughout their lives, and it was difficult for them to get promoted, but from their work attitudes, I read real happiness.

Isn’t doing something you like the best reward for doing it? Just as writing is the reward for writing, painting is the reward for painting.

6. Growing up hour by hour

I once liked a friend's signature file, "Become a better person."

These words, which are slow but full of determination, have given me strength countless times.

Nowadays, I feel that this sentence is full of the tone of progress theory of "higher, faster, stronger". Among the overwhelming inspirational words, I prefer "destroying ambitions". I prefer the word "perception". Maybe we can't create and plan life. Maybe savoring, experiencing, perceiving, and understanding are the keys to growth?

Become a better person? If you sat with your mother in the sun today and talked aimlessly all afternoon about your childhood, growth, and family matters, would you have become a better person? If you didn't read Wittgenstein's biography today, didn't follow Han Han's latest blog, didn't refresh Weibo, and just cooked yourself a delicious meal and lay in a daze in the arms of your lover, would it be considered a waste of life?

This generation of Chinese young people may be facing some kind of paradoxical self-contradiction. On the one hand, we are an unprecedented premature aging generation. We "start to grow old at the age of eighteen" and start to feel nostalgic at the age of twenty, although we are still young , the time when "you love chatting and I love laughing" has become the collective nostalgia of a generation; on the other hand, we desperately want to run forward, want a stable and carefree life, and want to embrace a certain sense of certainty. , anxious, wanting to immediately be like people in their thirties or forties, with no shortage of cars and houses, and a successful career.

You, you, you,

Do you really enjoy being young? Why are you nostalgic and still running hard at the same time?

You, you, you,

Do you really love adventure and wandering? Why put ideals into stability and real estate certificates as investment certificates?

Do you, you, you,

really value the possibilities? Why do I see you would rather suffer premature aging than embrace the "end of life"?

Doesn’t the possibility of a better life lie not in the slowly experienced step by step and silently perceived day by day, but in the grand outline of the future?

Those who get married, have children, get promoted to deputy department level, become small managers, graduates with Ph.D.s, buy houses and cars, they all go so fast. I used to be anxious, but later I realized that it was not my rhythm. I am a slow cow. If you go in the wrong direction, you will go in a big circle. If you go in the right direction, you will not be afraid of being slow.

Step by step, inch by inch, little by little, day by day, take your time.

I don’t know where I am going in the end. I am still wandering and looking around, stopping every step I take, touching this and that, trying to perceive, observe, and understand the world. Fresh and curious. But I am sure that I will only take the avenue I want to take; I am sure that, like Javier said, I will follow my heart and live in truth.

2011 may be the most unsatisfactory year in my life, with repeated setbacks and plans being shelved. Looking back at it, and then standing on tiptoes to take a look at 2012, I still want to say slowly, we are all going to die for a long time, why live in such a hurry, take your time.

All growth and greatness, "like Chinese medicine and old fire soup, are brewed hour by hour."

?You are not afraid of going slowly in life, but you are afraid of going wrong. Lu

When I first came to the United States, I always heard Chinese people say that the United States is lazy. There are many examples. Americans will definitely go on vacation every year, at least to the beach and lie on the beach.

Chinese people want to do something, and they do it day and night. The hardships endured are unparalleled in the world. I often hear Americans say that people in Chinese restaurants work really hard, working six days a week, and people who open restaurants even work seven days a day. American restaurants divide the day's shift into two shifts: lunch shift and evening shift. The average waiter only works five half-day shifts.

However, if you really have to talk to those who open restaurants, they will tell you that once they make enough money, they will never open a restaurant again.

Because of tiredness and boredom, things that are boring will not last long, and they will not be able to innovate and become first-class. Therefore, Chinese food in the United States is almost synonymous with fast food, rather than a sign of high-end.

Americans seem to be lazy and hedonistic, but the United States is still super strong. The Chinese are hardworking, but China is still a developing country. This is the secret.

Moreover, although Chinese people walk fast, they often go the wrong way. Americans walk slowly, but often in the right direction.

When you go fast, if you make a mistake, you will suffer big losses. In the 1950s, when steel was being smelted, every household smashed the iron pot to make steel. In one year, the steel output almost surpassed that of the United States. However, such steel-making was like a fish in the river, and the successors were weak. Later, Disasters ensue.

The advantage of being slow is that you have enough time to evaluate the results and stop if there are errors. China's current rapid economic growth is celebrated by the whole country. However, this is not without hidden worries, and the damage to the environment is also staggering. Environmental pollution affects people's health and doubles medical expenses, which erodes people's quality of life.

The Chinese build houses quickly, but they do not pay attention to maintenance and repair. After more than 20 years of living, a house becomes dilapidated and needs to be torn down and started over. Americans spend a lot of time repairing their houses every year. Some houses that are fifty years old are still as good as new.

Working hard is not as good as working skillfully. Qiaogan has a plan and is good at using existing resources, rather than simply starting a new one every time.

Persistence is the key. The Chinese know this truth, but they cannot do it in practice.

For Chinese students, some elementary schools start learning middle school content, and middle schools start learning university content. Some universities also have junior classes. These people learn really fast. However, why are they still unknown in the Nobel rankings?

The key is that many people run fast, but they often change directions and lack perseverance. Many college students stop studying as soon as they leave school. The United States advocates lifelong learning.

Let’s look at economists again. Chinese students are better at mathematics than American students, but American economists have won much more Nobel Prizes than Chinese. This is incredible considering that modern economics uses very profound mathematical knowledge.

However, further observation revealed that this is also reasonable. Some scientists in the United States, including economists, have a strong competitive spirit. Engage in research in one field all your life, and you will never regret it as your belt gets wider. Finally, winning the title in the middle of the month is no accident.

In the technical field, the Chinese run software the same way they run restaurants, and many programmers are so tired that they want to change careers. A lot of experience gained is wasted. What a pity.

So, I want to say that in life, as long as you are going in the right direction, you are not afraid of going slowly.

Slower, maybe the success will come back later, but it can better guarantee the quality of success; slower, maybe you won't reach the finish line so early, but you won't give up halfway because you are too tired or too impatient. What do you think?

?The best growth is to live every moment well

William Osler is a famous doctor. He is increasingly exposed to illnesses caused by worries and worries. People are always depressed because they worry too much about the past and worry about the future, which destroys their health. In order to treat these people's diseases more thoroughly, he gave them a simple but effective prescription: "Every moment is unique", which means: When we live today, we only need to do what we do today. Well, there is no need to worry about tomorrow or the day after tomorrow; when we live in this moment, we must cherish this time. Every moment is unique and will never return.

He said: "Cherish this moment and today infinitely. What else is worth worrying about? It is enough to live until bedtime every day. People who do not know how to resist worries always die young. "It's true. I am worried every day. My body is like a rope that is pulled back and forth, and sooner or later it will break.