Everything is precious. If you are not a professional teacher, you will not benefit from it; if you are not a professional friend, you will be loved but not close.
The ancients said: "It is enough to have a confidant in life." In fact, this is indeed the case. In the vast sea of ??people, there are only a handful of truly like-minded friends. Therefore, making friends must be dedicated, sincere, honest and selfless.
Zeng Guofan made a wide range of friends and benefited a lot from these mentors and helpful friends. Therefore, Zeng Guofan advocated that the most important thing in making friends is single-mindedness, and making friends requires heart-to-heart communication. Zeng Guofan clearly expressed this view in a letter to his younger brother:
The sixth and ninth brothers are still studying in the provincial capital this year, and brother Luo Shan is doing very well in the additional courses. Since I have included a lesson here, there is no need to send the poems and essays to other places for reading, so that I can understand and focus on them. Everything is expensive. If you seek a teacher who is not specialized, you will not benefit from it; if you seek a friend who is not specialized, you will be fraternal but not close. If you have a special focus in mind, it is okay to explore other ways to expand your knowledge.
It is a big mistake to have no special sect, but to change your mind when you see something different, to dazzle one thing and to rob the other. Brother Luo Shan is highly recommended by Liu Xiaxian and Ou Xiaocen. Some people like Yang Sheng can also know the outline of it. He can explain it as a teacher. It's a pity that I can't travel with him often.
"Expertise is valuable in everything. If you seek a teacher who is not expert, you will not benefit from it; if you seek a friend who is not expert, you will be fraternal but not close."
This is indeed a wise saying for making friends. Zeng Guofan advocated that no matter whether making friends or becoming apprentices, one must be single-minded, and it is most undesirable to change one's mind when one sees something different. Although making friends may benefit you, it is not the purpose. If this is the purpose, it is not making friends but doing business. The ancients most disapproved of the principle of making friends based on blind dates, believing that making friends just for profit would inevitably affect the quality of life and character.
Mencius said: "Friends are friends, and their virtues cannot be threatened." Obviously, Mencius made friends to improve his own moral character and knowledge, rather than to make friends with him because of profit. intersect. This kind of person is not uncommon in real life. If he asks for something from you, he will be considerate and take care of you. If you are no longer needed, they will ignore you, or even stop communicating with you forever. As the saying goes, "It's hard to find close friends." In fact, there are very few truly close friends. Only close friends can know each other, love each other, respect each other, and share joys and sorrows. Zeng Guofan praised friends like Guan Zhong and Bao Shuya very much.
During the Spring and Autumn Period and the Warring States Period, Bao Shuya served as a senior official of the State of Qi. He was famous for his knowledge of people and was a close friend of Guan Zhong. When Bao Shuya died of illness, Guan Zhong was very sad and burst into tears. Someone couldn't help but ask: "You and Bao Shuya are neither monarchs nor ministers, nor father and son. Why are you so sad?" Guan Zhong said: "You don't know something. Bao Shuya is my most respected friend. I once went to Nanyang with Bao Shuya to do business. During the business, Nanyang scoundrels humiliated me three times on the street. Bao Shuya did not think that I was cowardly and fearful of death. He knew that I endured the humiliation in order to do a good job. Unexpectedly, Bao Shuya once shared a sum of money with me, and my share of property was three times more than his. However, he did not think that I was greedy and selfish, and he knew that my family was poor. Bao Shuya was indeed my confidant and good friend. I am sad to have lost him, and will never find such a close friend again."
Zeng Guofan admired Guan Bao's friendship and advocated that the most important thing in making friends is to be dedicated rather than excessive. He often used this kind of friendship. Teach your nephews the idea of ??making friends.
If a person makes wise friends who share the same goals and promote common interests, the more the better. The ancient saying "A bird must choose a tree to roost on" means the same thing.
It is common sense for many people to be careful when making friends and learn how to choose friends. Zhu Xi, a master of Neo-Confucianism in the Song Dynasty, said to his son:
"When making friends, you must carefully choose. Even if you are classmates, you should not distinguish between close friends and distant friends." In interpersonal communication, the relationship between classmates is the most common. It would be abnormal for a classmate to have no feelings at all, ranging from two years to five or six years. However, not all classmates can become friends, and even if classmates become friends, they will not remain friends for life.
Friends are all passers-by in life, and it is rare to be able to help each other when we are together. There are many people who were not very good friends when they were classmates, but after entering society, they discovered that their former classmates had the same goals as them, and they became good friends. This may be a manifestation of growth, because growth improves one's compatibility with others.
Zeng Guofan taught his two sons that if the friendship between classmates is sincere and there are no arrogant words or extreme actions, then it is acceptable. Otherwise, they should sit apart and not be too close. Of course, there is no need to go to war with classmates, or even be incompatible with each other. As long as the well water does not interfere with the river water from now on, it will be fine.
"Historical Records: Biography of Le Yi" says: "Gentlemen in ancient times never make bad remarks when making friends." Therefore, a well-educated and cultivated person does not need to attack the other party with bad words when breaking off friendship. This not only reflects the demeanor of the person who breaks off the relationship, but also leaves a way out for himself. People can usually limit themselves to this when dealing with emotional matters.
In a person's life, making friends is very important, and it is even more important to make friends who can promote the development of one's career. Such friends are called "noble people".
The noble person is the guide and guide in the process of career development. To a certain extent, the level of the noble person affects the success or failure of one's career. Therefore, whether you can meet the noble person is also a kind of luck. In modern society, the importance of communication is no longer necessary, but how to make friends, especially when your career has not yet started, is particularly important.
Zeng Guofan's start in the capital was due to the strong support of his mentor Mu Zhang'a.
Mu Zhang'a, whose surname is Guo Jia. He was a Jinshi and was highly regarded by Emperor Daoguang. He successively served as Minister of the Ministry of War and the Ministry of Household Affairs, and was later appointed as the Minister of Military Aircraft and a bachelor of the Hanlin Academy. Later, he served as the co-organizer of the bachelor's degree and the crown prince's Taibao. In 1836, Mu Zhang'a was responsible for managing the Ministry of Works, and served as the chief master of the study room and the bachelor of Wuyingdian. Two years later, he was promoted to the bachelor of Wenhuadian. Mu Zhang'a's disciples and former officials were all over the government and the public. Most of the famous people were cited and promoted by him, and they had great influence among the civil servants.
When Zeng Guofan took the imperial examination, his teacher was Mu Zhang'a, and the two have always maintained a teacher-student relationship.
Because Zeng Guofan was diligent and studious and had excellent political talents, Mu Zhang'a valued and appreciated Zeng Guofan very much and took care of him in everything.
It can be seen that fighting alone without the help of external forces is the best way to achieve success. People are part of social resources, so we should cherish and utilize them more.
Why miss the opportunity to realize your ambition as soon as possible?