humorous?

1。 The test teacher announced the content of the experiment to be done in the afternoon in front of the podium: semen test. "Please be sure to bring 5ml of semen before tomorrow afternoon and put it in this test tube, one for each person. . . . Please make it at noon to ensure freshness. . 。” Hearing this, the girl panicked and said, "Teacher, we didn't!" " The teacher said in a word, "borrow!" " . . . . . The face was very calm and said that noon that day was an unsettled noon. Although all the boys' dormitories complained, they filled 5ml of hot liquid in a few minutes. Thirty students in the laboratory class and five girls asked for help to borrow semen: "Just lend me some! Don't be stingy. . 。” After listening to sudden cold ps: semen examination, you can check prostate, male L urethral inflammation and other diseases, which is an examination that laboratory students must do.

2 The afternoon of nursing department was an unusual afternoon, because the students of nursing department were going to do enema experiment. They conducted the experiment in a closed room. . . . The so-called enema is to take a thick rubber tube and insert it from the anus. It can relax the bowels, clean the intestines and treat intestinal bacterial infections, such as malaria. However, there are 3 people in the nursing class, including 23 girls and 7 boys. In this experiment, two people have to intubate each other, and the most important thing is to take off their pants and leak pp ~ ~, but girls and boys are all odd numbers, as if one boy and one girl should form a group. Result. . . Who and who don't know!

3 Senior brother was punished for his internship. One of our senior brothers went to the hospital for an internship in gynecology. As we all know, women's vaginas are short and straight, so they get sick and infected more than men. Our respected Anita Mui left with cervical cancer, so vaginal examination is also very important. The posture of the examination is quite special, and the common posture is similar to that of everyone having sex. (I've also heard about and occasionally seen the sex posture, so please don't BT me.) But doctors are required to wear gloves during the examination, and more than two people should be examined together, and patients can't be examined alone in the ward. My poor brother, because he didn't wear gloves, ran to the female patient's ward of someone else's PP and stuck his finger in the female patient's vagina. This method is called finger examination. As a result, the defendant was molested and finally fired.

4。 Anatomy everyone is very concerned about the problem of medical students' autopsy. They often ask: I'm a girl and I'm afraid of ghosts, but I won't be afraid to go with so many classmates. Of course I'm afraid to go by myself. Once in the review stage before our autopsy exam, the autopsy building was open until 1: 3 in the evening. A boy didn't go downstairs until 11: , and was locked in it by the uncle on the first floor for one night. I don't know how he spent that long night. I'm afraid ~ Oh ~ Let's not talk about it first. What I want to describe is that when we learned the chapter on genitals, we looked at the genitals of the deceased. Some men were soaked in medicine, and a girl exclaimed, "How big!" It doesn't matter if you shout like this. Later, all the girls in our grade went to their experimental room to see the body. It was really big ~ ~ ~ ~ Hehe. In front of female specimens, boys were often onlookers, and from time to time they asked questions like this or that from the teacher. I wonder, when did they study so actively? I used to skip class. . . Moreover, we all got high scores on the quiz of this chapter. When we dissected a male patient, we actually pulled out a 12cm long tube from his penis. . . . . .

5. Practice in general surgery: I am used to pulling the hook on the operating table, but I am still not used to the teacher's directness ... One day, I performed cholecystectomy for a 19-year-old boy, pulled him to the operating table and anesthetized him. Then I washed my hands with my teacher, prepared to disinfect, inserted a catheter and spread a towel. Then two male teachers picked up a sterile cotton ball to disinfect JJ (intubation) after washing their hands. At first, I didn't feel much. Later, I waited for a minute after disinfection. I was embarrassed at first, so I sat far away. As a result, the teacher who should disinfect said loudly to another teacher: Look, the reaction is really great, and the tree is so high ... Fortunately, I wore a mask and hat, only showing my eyes, otherwise my face was red and embarrassed ... < P > 6. Before an exam, in the classroom (both students), he and a female classmate (PLMM) reviewed each other. They are the only two people talking in the classroom, and their voices are not small. Both of them are good students, and neither of them can beat the other, but they both come up with difficult problems to beat the other. Finally, after a moment of silent thinking, my buddy shouted, "By the way, can you ovulate?" Just when the whole class was shocked and didn't react, the PLMM shouted, "Why wouldn't I?"! ？” The whole class laughed.

7. The professor of parasites is super strong. He once talked about roundworms and said that we like to say that we would like to be a pair of birds in heaven, and to grow together on the earth, two branches of one tree.. It's all wrong! The love model in the animal kingdom is ascaris lumbricoides. Once the male and female worms are folded, they will never be separated. Therefore, I suggest that you should say: I treat you like a male worm to a female worm for the rest of your life! The following is all upside down.

8 In an anatomy class, the teacher used a slide to make a picture, which looked like a screenshot of porn, so the following was empty.

The teacher argued, "Everyone is studying medicine, so what can't we see?" From then on, it became a wise saying and passed down.

Memory?

You may have heard of the "four famous make-up" from your friend who studied medicine (there are four courses and their troubles, and there are always a large number of students to make-up exams); I have heard of taking quilts and thermos bottles to the classroom for self-study all night; I heard that weak girls stayed alone all night in the anatomy building with a group of bodies for the next day's Anatomy exam.

Maybe you don't believe it, maybe you will miss medical school with curiosity, or maybe you will be afraid to stay away from your medical classmates.

Anatomy class

There are many tan bodies floating in a big pool full of dark yellow formalin, with their backs facing up, messy hair and no face. Poke one of them with a stick, and everything around them will fluctuate up and down.

No matter how smelly you are squatting in the toilet, you will breathe smoothly within a few minutes without smelling its fragrance. However, your nose is not adaptable to formalin. After smelling it for a long time, it is still so pungent, and at most you can distinguish a hidden corpse smell from it.

Actually, the corpse used in the human anatomy class itself has no smell. Those bodies that are worth thousands of dollars have been carefully treated so as not to swell and rot, and the dead cells are quiet under the care of formalin.

medical students are human beings, and they are not born with the courage to face the corpse. Our first semester is the course of Systematic Anatomy, and we are faced with pieces of organs that have been made. The night before the first class, many students were a little scared and couldn't sleep. The next day, we walked into the anatomy class together, and the two teachers standing on the stage first attracted us: one was a complete skeleton, and our real teacher stood in the same position as the skeleton, very happy and affectionate, and occasionally the long pointer touched our skeleton teacher, which also swayed and danced with it.

The first few lessons are about bones. It really takes some courage to reach for the broken bones in the specimen box for the first time. When I closed my eyes, I found that I didn't feel unusually cold or smooth. The gray surface was faintly shiny, and the bones didn't emit any smell, only my heart was pounding. I got used to it the second time and the third time. A good student looks at every bump and depression carefully according to a textbook as thick as a brick, and his eyes are so close that he can't wait to see the waves in a flat part; Good students like us are amazed at the nature of biology. The sphenoid bone (a piece of skull) is unanimously rated as the most beautiful bone by us, and it is eclipsed by all works of art in the world. As a ring, the spine bone is more mysterious than Tibetan ornaments and more fierce than cowboys. No wonder the teacher said, "Steal bones, hell to pay."

then joints and muscles, then internal organs and brain. Thanks to the great textbook writers for giving us such a smooth transition. At the end of the term, we were able to face the iron gray or dark red brain and secretly eat the breakfast we carried.

The second semester is "Local Anatomy". The arrangement of the whole semester is that five or six people face a whole corpse and dissect each part of it to see what it is.

The body is in the big pool in the basement, so you have to move it yourself. We took a creaking old elevator to the dark yellow basement, facing the formalin pool which is more crowded than the beach in midsummer, and we were still amazed by the "numbness". The teacher gave us several rakes, saying that we would rake them up when we saw one, but not just men or women. Gee, it's quite like a supermarket.

The whole pool began to ripple, and the bodies were floating like jiaozi, which was being cooked. It was not easy to rake one up. Under the dim light, the dark ripples seem a little mysterious. Formalin mixed with the smell of corpses splashed on us, leaving a yellow mark on the white coat. Everyone worked together to drag the body to the shore, and then turned it over. It was a terrible moment, just like-just like Sadako in "The Ring of Midnight" raised her face like death.

After selecting their bodies, we grabbed their limbs and carried them to the elevator. Unexpectedly, the elevator broke down! It's a pity that it's not at night, otherwise I must write a long story about ghosts. So a group of people and a group of corpses walked out of the side door of the basement, preparing to go around the front door of the anatomy building from the tree-lined path at the junction of the teaching area and the dormitory area (the structure of the school is so strange, it is definitely not what we want to detour). Along the way, I met the medical students in twos and threes, and there was a stingy surprise in my eyes, which greatly hit our vanity of grandstanding. Finally, a few little girls earned face for us. They were working girls in the roadside grocery store. They were standing at the door chatting and looking at us far away with curious eyes. As we got closer, they suddenly screamed bitterly, then dispersed and stumbled into the safest place they felt.

Go back to the classroom and give the bodies a haircut and a bath. The hair is messy and boring, the body is stiff and stiff, and we feel that we are harder than the sauna back rubbing lady. After washing, each corpse was given a good piece of cloth, which was said to be moisture-proof and breathable, but later a corpse was dissected and a lush green mold grew in its belly.

Apart from teaching, the teacher said to us the most: "Corpses are expensive! Bodies are hard to buy! " The corpses used in our "Local Anatomy" will be carefully separated by the teacher, dried and preserved properly for the next "Systematic Anatomy" teaching.

During our anatomy class, there was a big accident on the railway. The teachers of the Anatomy Teaching and Research Group went out overnight and followed the ambulance to snap up unclaimed bodies. When they came back, they were all smiles, which was probably quite rewarding.

in our last anatomy class, the teacher spent half a class hour mobilizing us to donate ourselves (of course, the remains after death) to the anatomy teaching and research section, and also brought a stack of contracts with legal effect. A girl signed it on the spot, and the teacher patted her on the shoulder excitedly and said a popular sentence: "Remember to introduce your family and friends!" "

animals

I always thought that the significance of animals in medical college was just an experiment, but later I realized that the teachers and students in medical college were ordinary people.

The animals we use are generally rabbits, piglets, mice and dogs, and we usually do experiments on them under anesthesia.

The dosage of anesthetic is directly proportional to the animal's weight. When the animals are sent to the animal room, the teacher will weigh them himself.

"The rabbits are so fat today." Once the teacher talked to himself happily, which sounded a bit strange. After the class of that experiment, I returned to my dormitory only to find that I forgot to hand in the test report and ran to the laboratory at once. On the way, I met the experimental teacher, carrying two rabbits and walking towards the family building with a big smile on my face.

I just realized that animals that have been tested still have such wonderful surplus value. To tell the truth, I'm a little jealous of my teacher.

Come to think of it, I have never heard or seen the relevant regulations that "students can't take away experimental animals". Maybe I'm not a student who concentrates on class.

Not long after, there was an experiment to study "shock". The subjects of the experiment were several fat and strong dogs.

dog meat hotpot, how delicious!

While doing experiments, we look forward to dog meat hotpot. Some people proposed to apply to the teacher to take the experimental animals back, but most people thought it would not be approved. However, there are not many opportunities to do experiments with dogs. If you hold the idea of giving it a try, you may lose all the opportunities.

I remembered one thing, so I said, "In the past, a senior sister brought a mouse back to the dormitory as a pet, and we were never held accountable. We just took the dog away secretly, anyway, there was no explicit provision."

A few years ago, a senior sister brought some mice back. After several weeks, the mice ran away from the cage. It's an old wooden building. Some holes are broken in the dilapidated wooden boards, and the holes are connected with the gaps between the wooden boards, just like the tunnels extending in all directions in Tunnel Warfare. Numerous big black rats with a length of nearly one foot live there, and at night they make waves, in groups of three and five, and rumble over and over, scaring the students who go to the toilet at night to scream. After the mouse escaped, the world was concerned for a long time. She was worried that the small and lovely mouse would be bullied by the "indigenous" big black mouse as strong as an ox, and launched the sisters in the whole dormitory to look for it. She also posted a "notice for finding the mouse" in the corridor, with a portrait of the mouse, thin claws and red eyes. However, the mouse never appeared again, and after a long time, everyone forgot.

After several years, the mice in the wooden building are still rampant, but all the mice have changed their species, their bodies are like mice, and their skin color is gray. After a little analysis, the common sense of medical students tells us that the mice and the big black mice have mated, and the small figure of the new species is obviously more suitable for the survival in the wooden building. In a few years, the survival of the fittest has been completed, leaving only the little gray mouse.

this matter is well known, and everyone agreed to my suggestion. Immediately, we made a detailed plan for stealing the dog.

A classmate sneaked out of the classroom and went back to the dormitory to get a cowboy big bag that was usually used to put quilts. He hid the big bag in a big jacket and waited in the corner of the teaching building. After class was over, two students asked questions around the teacher. The other three people in the group quickly transported the dog out the back door, joined the students with bags, and fled the scene cautiously and quickly.

In the evening, the whole class will gather in the small restaurant at the back door of the school, and each of them will give the boss five yuan. He will be responsible for processing the experimental dog into three delicious dog meat hot pots, with some vegetables attached.

a delicious dinner! A large piece of dog meat and a large glass of beer is a paradise for us who don't know the taste of meat at school in March.

I had a lot of sweet dreams at night and woke up in the morning.